


From Under the Ashes

by Marjorie_Franklin



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apocalypse, Canon Universe, Dark, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, New Avatar, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pre-Relationship, Relationship(s), Romance, Romantic Angst, Sexual Tension, The Phoenix King, Unconventional Relationship, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-31 14:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6474100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marjorie_Franklin/pseuds/Marjorie_Franklin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko hadn't planned on becoming such a huge part of Katara's life. It just kept...happening. Somewhere along the way, she'd  become this massive vortex he was incapable of avoiding. He just wanted to help the others save the next Avatar. Filling the void in Katara's heart was never part of the plan but Aang being killed by the Phoenix King hadn't been part of the plan either...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ZUKO

Ashes fall around me like snow. The sky above is a tattered veil of gray, orange, and black with only a few clusters of blue where the sun is brave enough to peek through and look down at the ruin below.

I don't blame the sun for hiding behind all the smoke and ash-filled clouds. I don't want to see all the pain and destruction either, which is probably why I am lying on my back staring up at the sky now. It is my vain attempt to lose perspective and to make everything seem a little less hopeless.

The world still burns. Days have passed since the Sozin's Comet left the sky, but the Earth Kingdom still burns, and what doesn't burn still simmers and smokes. The air reeks of burnt flesh and is littered with ash. It blankets the ground like a layer of fresh snow and continues to fall from the sky, dancing eerily with glowing embers as it levitates down to the singed ground.

The mere thought of Sozin's Comet sends spirals of pain through me, making me sift on the ground and scratch at the bandages on my chest with my good arm. Much like the environment around me, I am still suffering, still full of pain…and defeat. I have never felt such an overwhelming sense of devastation and loss, and I've certainly experienced loss before. I am the banished prince. I know loss. I have lost my home, my honor, my throne, and my mother, but I never lost hope…until my father killed Aang.

I can hear the faint murmur of voices nearby, voices of what remains of  _Team Avatar_  and the White Lotus. Their pitiful camp sits atop a vast wasteland of charred earth. Somehow, they managed to find a sliver of ground that is a little less burned.

We are under the protection of the White Lotus now. I abandoned my throne when I received word that Aang was dead. Katara and I defeated Azula, and Aang had supposedly defeated my father so that I could take his place on the throne and help Aang restore peace and balance to the world, but that became impossible.

Aang didn't defeat the Fire Lord. Aang lost and my father is still alive, the Phoenix King still reigns, causing all of our plans to unravel, making everything we hoped for moot. Void.

Full of lightning and pain, I was forced to make a tough call, one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I knew I couldn't rule as Fire Lord with Ozai still in the picture, so I chose to abandon the throne I'd gained, the throne I was destined for. However, leaving was easier said than done.

Once I received word that Aang was dead, I told Katara, and she had a come apart that rivaled Azula's. She screamed that she didn't believe me and that I was wrong, that it was a lie, and that she was going to wait there until Aang came back.

Aang wasn't coming back though. The Phoenix King was coming back, and I didn't want to know what he'd do when he found Fire Lord Zuko instead of Fire Lord Azula on the throne. Plus, I was in no condition to fight although that was  _exactly_ what I wanted to do. I wanted to ambush him. Surely Katara and I could take the Phoenix King. I liked to think that we could have, but I doubt it. Father would have returned with the hundreds of firebenders he had departed with. We might have been able to defeat Ozai but not Ozai  _and_  a hoard of firebenders still channeling the comet's energy…and Aang would have wanted me to take care of Katara, and the best thing for Katara was to get her out of the capital, out of the Fire Nation. So that was what we did. We left on Appa in search of Sokka, Toph, Suki, Uncle; anyone we might recognize.

Eventually, after searching for what felt like months, we found them, but we lost Appa in the process. When things seemed as though they couldn't possibly get any worse, one day Appa lied down beneath a partially burned tree in a pile of ash and didn't get back up.

Katara slaved away for hours trying to heal him. I could only watch, knowing that his ailment wasn't physical. Aang was Appa's lifeblood, and he couldn't live with their connection severed by death. He slipped away as if falling asleep while Katara held him and sobbed silently into his fur.

After losing Appa, traveling became _much_  harder, but we managed somehow and rejoined Uncle and the others in something that had once been an Earth Kingdom village not far from Ba Sing Se. It is nothing but ash now, much like most of the Earth Kingdom.

I am amongst the same group of people who had greeted us at Ba Sing Se when Aang was just missing, but this seems like a completely different group of individuals now. They all speak in whispers when they dare to speak, but everyone is just at a loss, myself included, which is why I am lying on the ash-covered ground staring up at the sky, hoping to lose perspective.

Eventually, I regain the strength and the courage to return to the heart of the camp…or what's left of it. Many of the members have been trickling away to aid what is left of the scorched kingdom and return to their homes and families now that they've lost their cause, now that the war is technically over.

I can't blame them for that.

Uncle has brewed some tea, so I sit in a circle with Suki and Toph and attempt to drink it. The hot beverage touches my lips and even wriggles down my dry throat, but I still wouldn't be able to tell anyone what flavor tea it was if they asked me. I am numb. I've lost almost all feeling.

Sokka hops around on one leg, circling the camp like a lionvulture as he tries to come up with some kind of plan, but he has yet to voice a plan to anyone even if he has come up with one.

Personally, I think it's too soon to think about anything like that. Simply existing is hard enough. And in truth, I kind of want to give up and call it quits. We lost. We had our chance and we blew it. A part of me wants to just vanish and become a refugee again, live the simple life Uncle and I almost had with our little teashop in Ba Sing Se. Oddly enough, that doesn't seem so unappealing anymore.

' _Maybe you could find a nice Earth Kingdom family to adopt you!'_

"Was Aang killed in the Avatar State?" Sokka asks, breaking the silence and causing me to jolt a bit. Sound is so strange in this camp that it's started startling me.

I shrug. "The letter to Azula just said he was dead, but the  _Phoenix King_  is telling everyone else that he was killed in the Avatar State."

"What do you think?" Sokka's blue eyes meet mine, shining with sincerity, desperation, and something else I can't quite place.

"I think he's lying," I reply instantly, scratching at my bandages. My burn is starting to itch. Katara was dedicated to my health initially, but she has been neglecting my care more and more since we found Sokka and the others again. I've resolved to heal the old fashioned way to prevent burdening her with more weight.

"Then…we should go to the Water Tribes," Sokka declares.

"To find the new Avatar?" The thought of that _literally_ makes me ache and not just because I was almost fatally injured not too long ago. This is really happening. We are being forced to start all over again with a new Avatar who won't be of age to confront my father for  _at least_  another thirteen years. I will be twenty-nine by then, probably older.

"Unless you want the Fire Lord…or the Phoenix King – whoever! – to find him or her first."

"I didn't say that." I groan, bowing over and pinching the bridge of my nose.

_Too much. It's too much._

"I think he just means that it is kind of hard to think about the new Avatar right now, Sokka," Suki chimes in gently, and I am grateful for her voicing what I can't.

"It is for all of us, but whether we like it or not, there  _is_ a new Avatar out there somewhere, and I think it's still our job to make sure that he or she is safe."

It feels pointless. I know Sokka is looking for something to live for, some new purpose in life now that everything has fallen apart, but the cycle has started anew, and frankly, I don't want to spend the next thirteen years or so taking care of the next Avatar and grooming it to defeat my father only to have it end up dead like Aang. It isn't like it could become a full-fledged Avatar anyway. Who would teach it airbending? The airbenders? Fat chance of that happening since there are no more airbenders. Maybe we should just accept that this is the world now and try to find some pitiful niche in it where we can live out the rest of our lives in peace.

' _That's who you are, Zuko. Someone who keeps fighting, even though it's hard.'_

"I guess…" Toph scratches the back of her neck.

It is odd seeing Toph unsure. Lately, she has mainly stuck to being quiet and indifferent, an earthbender who has lost their footing. She springs to life occasionally, spouting off snarky remarks every now and then. She even calls me  _Sparky_  from time to time, but she mainly calls me Zuko.

I never thought I'd miss being called  _Sparky_  so much.

"Run it by the White Lotus," is all I can muster because honestly, I can't think about it. Not now. It would be easier if someone else could just make it an order for me to follow.

_Some almost Fire Lord I'm turning out to be…_

With that, Sokka hobbles off to find one of said members of the White Lotus.

I place my tea on the dead ground and sit in silence with Suki and Toph for a while. Just how long I sat there, I haven't the faintest. Time seems to slow to a halt yet again.

"Where's Katara?" I ask although I already know the answer. She has been in her tent for days crying her eyes out. She doesn't eat, and I doubt she sleeps.

Still inside her tent," Toph replies lowly.

Sucking in a deep breath, I get to my feet (wincing only a little from the pain shooting through me as a result of the movement) and march towards Katara's tent.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" Touch warns, but I've had enough. I know she is sad and that she is mourning, but enough is enough. She can continue to mourn but not to this extent. She isn't going to starve herself to death, and she isn't going to torment Sokka and the others this way. Not anymore. Things are bad enough without her acting like this. She has to live. Life goes on even if she doesn't want it to. It is time for someone to put their foot down and remind her of that.

With princely authority, I pull back the flaps of the tent and ease inside.

"Katara."

" _Go away."_

Impressive. I've barely gotten her name out of my mouth, and she is already snapping at me.

The inside of the tent is pitch black, no lanterns or candles and no light leaking in from outside. I almost trip over several unknown objects before my eyes adjust to the blackness and see the mound of blankets I assume the waterbender is hiding inside.

I kneel beside the heap of covers and bedding. "You need to get up, and you need to eat. It's been days."

I am really trying to be kind and patient with her, but that isn't why I have taken it upon myself to try to coax her out of this tent. Sokka, Pakku, Suki, and even Toph have continually tried to get her to come out to no avail. Clearly, kind, tentative words are getting us nowhere. Katara is stubborn, and she needs more force, she needs someone to tell her to buck up. She needs someone who isn't afraid to hurt her feelings.

"What's the point? Why bother?" Her voice trembles, suggesting that even talking without bursting into tears is still a struggle. "It's easy for you to tell me to get up and eat; you didn't even  _like_  Aang."

I recoil at that. "That's not true. I'll admit that losing him wasn't the same for me as it was for all of you, but I  _did_  care."

Silence.

I inch closer to her and place a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Katara, Everyone's worried about you, and you'll probably feel better if you get out of this tent and talk to them."

"Leave me alone, Zuko. I mean it." She curls into a tighter ball and jerks away from me.

"No _, I_  mean it," I counter. "Get up."

She scoffs, but it is choked by a sniffle.

My resolve almost wavers but being gentle won't do her any good, being gentle won't get her out of this tent. She needs to get up and eat and help support our little group as it falls apart at the seams.

I yank the covers off her, wrap my good arm around her waist, and haul her to her wobbly feet.

"Let go of me!" she howls and fights my hold on her waist, wriggling and punching my arm. It almost works too. It hurts like hell because I am still so sore, but I persevere. I've resolved to get her out of this tent, and damn it, I'm going to do it!

"Good to see you've still got some fight in you." I muse before releasing her and nudging her towards the entrance of the tent.

Katara stumbles a bit but eventually regains her balance. She stands at the entrance for a long moment, seriously contemplating returning to her bedroll, but after giving me a quick glare, decides it is no longer an option.

"Go on." I cross my arms, standing my ground. If she wants to go back into that bedroll, she's going to have to go through me.

She doesn't say it, but I can tell she is thinking that she hates me even though her eyes are red-rimmed and tear-filled.

That's fine. She can hate me if it makes her feel better, if that's what she really wants. She can hate me if she can use that as some kind of fuel to live off of.

Begrudgingly, Katara wipes her eyes, lifts the tent flaps, and enters the campsite. She squints as her puffy eyes adjust to the glaring, red brightness that still leaks from the sky.

Suki jolts to attention, and Toph's sightless eyes widen when she senses her.

"Uncle made tea and some stew not too long ago. It should still be warm." I nudge her forward again, earning a slap on the wrist, but she gets the implication and eases toward the pot Suki and Toph encircle.

Sokka doesn't say a word as the lurches across the camp towards us but embraces Katara the moment he reaches her. Suki and Toph follow suit, and it isn't long before Katara is setting by the campfire and attempting to eat the stew and drink a little tea with us.

"How'd you do it?" Suki asks, leaning towards me and keeping her voice low.

My brow furrows. "Do what?"

"Get her to come out," Suki practically gawks, her eyes shifting between Katara and me. "We've been trying for days."

"Honestly, I basically threw her out. I didn't give her much of a choice."

Suki smirks. "So a little tough love then?"

"If that's what you want to call it." I shrug.

"I was expecting her to throw everything in that tent at you until you came stumbling out and begging for mercy," Toph muses, a smile hinting at her lips. It is amazing how Katara's presence alone has already lifted their spirits.

"How's your chest, Zuko?" Katara inquires, and that surprises me. I didn't think she cared anymore. My injury seems pretty trivial at this point.

"Fine. I'm just a bit sore." I try to stretch a little to show improvement but end up showing how stiff and hurt I still am.

"I'll look you over if you want," she offers, but her eyes favor the stew in her lap.

I shift uncomfortably on the ground. "…You don't have to."

"I don't mind."

"All right." I surrender. "If you insist."

* * *

After easing me out of my old bandages, Katara begins attempting to mend the crater in my chest, the crater I got protecting her, the crater that somehow changed the dynamic of our relationship.

There is some unspoken affinity between us now that I have saved her life, now that Aang is gone, and we have spent days traveling the Earth Kingdom together in search of the others. It is strange but not that surprising considering I caved and crossed a few boundaries while we were traveling by holding her as she grieved. At first, I ignored her tears, keeping my distance, but just like in the green catacombs of Ba Sing Se, I yielded and tried to comfort her.

Katara goes through the motions of treating my latest injury. Her drained eyes are distant, and she continues touching my chest aimlessly after the water stopped glowing, her fingertips drawing invisible pictures along my torso.

"Katara?"

That seems to jar her out of her trance, and she suddenly becomes more aware, jerking her hands away from me as if I've burned her.

_She doesn't even realize what she's doing…_

I start to ask if she's okay, but I know she isn't so I don't bother. That question is more of an insult than anything at this point.

Sitting up, I ease back into new bandages and my shirt (with Katara's help) and prepare to leave, knowing I have probably outstayed my welcome and that she will want to crawl back into the bedroll I yanked her out of earlier. However, before I can even attempt to get back to my feet, she collapses against me and begins to cry.

Genuinely caught off guard, I gape down at her for a moment before I am left with nothing to do but hold her. I don't know what else I am supposed to do or what she even  _wants_  me to do. What could Katara possibly want from me that she couldn't get from someone else who means much more to her than I ever will?

Sure, I caved when we searched for Sokka and the others and held her during the night as she cried herself to sleep but that was because no one else was there to comfort her. She has Sokka, Suki, and Toph to comfort her now. I always thought that once she had other options, she wouldn't seek my comfort anymore, but apparently, I was mistaken.

_I've never been able to understand you..._

"It's so bad, Zuko… What are we gonna do?" Her tear-streaked face leaves my chest only to gaze up at me with huge, pleading eyes that pierce right into my soul.

Why is everyone asking me that? Why is everyone looking at me for answers to this horrible situation? I am Fire Lord in name only and probably not even that. I have no power. I am as powerless and as lost as everyone else.

"I don't know yet, but…we'll think of something. We'll just tackle this…one day at a time." It is a horrible excuse, but strangely enough, she seems pacified with it.

Unthinking, I reach out and wipe one of her many tears from her cheek.

She stares at me for a long-suffering moment, eyes swimming with emotions I can't quite discern before she returns to my chest, an action that I admit I wasn't expecting either, but I go with it and loosely wrap my arms around her, resting my cheek against her thick hair and staring out at nothing as I contemplate what we are supposed to do. I try my damnedest to come up with something I haven't already thought of ten times over, but all I can focus on was her, how much she smells like orchids, how soft her hair is, and the feel of her hands clutching the fabric of my shirt for dear life.

* * *

Everyday I find myself flocking to Uncle's tent in search of answers and wisdom, but there is none, not even here. There is nothing but rugs, pillows, blankets, a chest of some of Uncle's supplies, and a few farming tools.

"Your father will want us imprisoned or killed. We should start moving again soon," Uncle declares, stroking his beard gently as he contemplated this.

I nod, knowing it is true and that bounty hunters and the loyal will be coming for us soon to take our heads back to the Phoenix King. It is probably time for us to trickle away with the others who continued to leave our cap to aid other regions of the wounded Earth Kingdom. Our foundation has crumbled with the loss of the Avatar, and everything is unraveling. The common ground is gone, and now we are just trying to figure out where we fit in the world again and how to survive in it. The end of the war has left us with few choices. Still, I am reluctant to leave the others even though I know we are destined to do just that.

"To where?"

Iroh shrugs. "Anywhere. I suppose it doesn't really matter as long as we don't stay in the same place for too long. There are many places in the Earth Kingdom that could benefit from our aid."

"Should we go back to the Fire Nation? Rally some troops? Forge an army?" I sound unsure and desperate because I am. I feel that I am obligated to do... _something_  proactive. I can't just sit here. My father has all but destroyed the world, and Agni knows what kind of nightmares he will unleash on the world now that he is the Phoenix King. He has to be stopped. I have to find my way back to the throne…somehow.

"It would take a long time to forge an army large enough to conquer Ozai's forces," Iroh replies, his brow furrowed and his eyes low.

I bury my face in my hands. Who would follow me anyway? People are tired of fighting. No one will be jumping at the opportunity to go to war again after the Phoenix King has laid waste to the land and all but destroyed the world. As Azula once put it,  _they had taken their precious hope and burned it to the ground._  Even if people aren't happy with the Phoenix King, they are all too broken to even think of fighting. They have been fighting for one hundred years, and they are exhausted and broken, myself included.

Uncle places heavy hands on my shoulders. "A man needs his rest, and right now, a lot of men need their rest, Prince Zuko."

"Then…we'll rest." It is easy to comply. It is easy to take that advice because despite the obvious urgency of our situation, I want to rest. One day the chips will fall into place again. That day just isn't today. Now just isn't the time for drastic action and armies and talk of overthrowing kings. As discontented as we all are, it just isn't something anyone wants. I can sense that. I can feel it in my bones.

Before anything else can be said on the matter, Sokka bursts into the tent, Momo flying in behind him and perching himself on my shoulder.

"Hey, Zuko, you got a minute?" Sokka inquires.

I glance back at my uncle.

"Go ahead. I should stretch my legs. We can continue discussing this matter further later." Uncle rises to his feet, stretching as he makes his way past Sokka and out of the tent.

Sokka lurches across the tent and takes Uncle's place across from me. "Will you do me a favor?"

"If I can," I reply, scratching Momo behind the ears.

"I've talked to Katara, and she has...begrudgingly agreed to help us search for the next Avatar," Sokka begins, spinning his crutch around in his hands.

That surprises me. I wasn't quite sure what Katara would do, but I hadn't really been expecting that. I figured she would agree eventually after going to aid those in need in the Earth Kingdom for a while but not this soon. Then again, I know how exhausted she is. She probably surrendered to avoid a fight or an argument with Sokka. She just doesn't have the strength to fight the inertia of this anymore than I do. I'm not crazy about finding the next Avatar either, but this seems to be my fate, my destiny. I can't get away from that certainty anymore than Sokka and Katara can.

"She wants to go home to the South Pole to see our grandmother and to see if they have heard from our father. She also said she would ask around to see if there were any births the day of the comet. Suki and I are going to do the same in the Northern Water Tribe. We'll probably go to Kioshi at some point too. I know Suki will probably want to see her family and village, and I don't want her going alone. I don't know how bad things are there, but some of the members of the White Lotus are saying that bandits are becoming a serious problem."

"I've heard that too, and considering the state the world's in, I'm not surprised it's come to that."

"I also don't want Katara going south alone either. Toph is going to aid the Earth Kingdom with Bumi, and I asked Pakku if he would go with Katara, but he is more concerned about what's going to befall the North Pole. He and other members of the White Lotus suspect Ozai will have some nasty plans for them."

"They're probably right. They dodged Sozin's Comet, but my father won't forget that they are still a threat to his… _dynasty_." I snort.

"My point is, I want you to help us with the next Avatar, and...I also want someone to go with Katara to the South Pole. Will you go with her and make sure she gets there safely?"

My brow knits as I weigh my options.

Katara will undoubtedly have something to say about being babysat, especially being babysat by me. Then I think about Aang, just like I thought of him back at the palace.

Aang would want Katara safe, and since I played a part in getting Aang killed, I feel obligated. Plus, if I were honest with myself, I would admit that I want her safe too.

"Why aren't you going with her? I figured you two would stay together…" I counter.

"That was my plan originally, but…honestly, Suki and I are going to try to look for Dad and the others in the Earth Kingdom on our way north, and if something bad has happened to our dad or if we find something…I don't want Katara to be exposed to it—at least not yet. She says she wants to go home, help some of the villages in the southern parts of the Earth Kingdom, and see our Gran Gran. I think that's the best thing for her right now, but I don't want to go home until I find out something about our dad, make sure Suki's village is okay, and analyze the Avatar situation up north."

I nod my understanding.

"After we find all the Avatar prospects, we'll rendezvous somewhere in the Earth Kingdom, but we agreed splitting up is probably for the best right now, and oddly enough, you're one of the few people here I know who would do anything to keep her safe. You've got the scar to prove it." His eyes linger on the bandages that cover my torso. "So will you do it?"

"…Sure." It isn't like I have anything better to do. "But I don't know if she'll like it."

"Don't worry-" Sokka digs his wooden crutch into the ground and hoists himself up "- I don't think she'll put up too much of a fight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> This is obviously an Aang didn't defeat Ozai, the world has gone to shit, and now we have to find a new Avatar story. I've always wanted to try my hand at this type of universe...so here we are! Point of view will vary from chapter to chapter and chapter length will vary as well and of course, this is ZUTARA. There will be sprinkles of Kataang and Maiko mentioned here and there because of canon divergence and the like but nothing overwhelming I assure you. I'm just trying to stick to canon as much as possible even though this is an technically an alternate universe story.
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!


	2. KATARA

Momo sleeps contentedly in my lap, my fingers wandering aimlessly through his soft, white fur as I sit beneath one of the many charred, leafless trees surrounding the camp and watch everyone load up eel hounds and ostrich horses with food and supplies.

"Ostrich horse or eel hound?" Sokka inquires.

"Neither," I reply.

I want Appa. I keep thinking that I need to start loading my supplies onto the massive saddle on his back. I've done it for so long that my mind refuses to let it go even though I know that he is gone. After all, I was there with him as he drew his last breaths.

Sokka's brow wrinkles. "You want to walk then?"

I dread riding one of those things…but I want to go home. I can't take all the death and destruction anymore. I am so sick of all the soot and savagery. I want to see a part of the world that isn't dying, burned, or blanketed in ash. I know I probably need to go to the heart of the Earth Kingdom and help the injured and the sick, but I simply (and selfishly) want to see my grandmother and mourn Aang in peace in the comfort of my home. There is nothing else left for me now. My destiny is intertwined with Aang's, but he is gone, taking my hopes, my dreams, and my destiny to an early grave with him.

Choosing not to answer, I look away, out at the dreary expanse around us. Tree skeletons black as oil are everywhere, reaching up out of the scalded ground towards the sky like desperate hands with decrepit fingers, but no one is reaching back. What isn't covered in snowy ash is singed. Blades of grass turn to black dust in my hands when I touch them or when Momo scrambles around in search of nourishment although there is none to be found.

During Sozin's Comet, Sokka, Suki, and Toph managed to take out some of the war balloons Ozai dispatched to burn down the Earth Kingdom, but it hadn't been enough. They'd done what they could, but they eventually had to retreat. Once Aang was… _gone_ …Ozai called for reinforcements and they milked the last of the comet dry in order to burn down as much as they could before it finally vanished. I doubt they reached every part of the Earth Kingdom, but the portions that were spared are still undoubtedly scarred by the events.

Sokka sighs heavily and hobbles back towards the heart of the camp, likely to make the decision for me. That's fine. I doubt I am capable of making one anyway.

Everything about this feels…wrong. It feels so much like betraying Aang, like they are officially giving up on him. I keep thinking that he is going to magically come back. He is the Avatar. He can't possibly be gone…but he is, and when I leave to help find the new Avatar, it will cement that fact, it will make all of this even more real, and I'm not sure if I am ready for that. I am suddenly having second thoughts about all of this this. The urge to curl up in my bedroll until either it goes away or I waste away is back.

Eventually, Sokka returns with a young man leading an ostrich horse towards me. "You don't have to do much. I know you aren't crazy about what we've decided to do, so just ask around to see if any babies were born the day of the comet. And of course, ask if anyone has heard from Dad."

I manage to nod, and then he is embracing me.

"I know this isn't what was supposed to happen, but everything's gonna be alright. We'll set everything right somehow," he whispers into my hair, sounding strangely sure although I know he isn't. There are no guarantees. Our situation now proves that.

"What about Suki and Toph?" I ask as he pulls away, but I hold onto the fabric of his shirt so he can't get too far.

"I think Toph wants to help the other earthbenders with what remains of the forest fires and eventually go home and see if her family survived, and Suki will probably go to the North Pole with me after doing the same."

"Sokka…I want us to stay together." I've said this to him already, but I feel it is worth reiterating and giving it another shot.

"I know but we don't have time. Ozai knows the next Avatar will be a waterbender too, so he could send firebenders at any time on ships or in war balloons. We don't have time to check each tribe separately  _and_  search for Dad. It could be too late by then. It might be too late already."

"Then send someone else to the northern tribe," I counter. "Isn't Pakku going back to the North Pole anyway? He could—"

"I still have to find out what happened to Dad, and even if I didn't, this is our responsibility, Katara. We've already talked about this, and I really think it is our destiny to oversee this ourselves," he interrupts, adamant and surprisingly stern.

I manage yet another nod, but this is all going in one ear and out the other. I am going numb; the little feeling I have managed to regain is slithering out of me again.

"Sokka, what will we even do if we find the new Avatar?" The question hangs heavy on my tongue like bile.

"Protect it," he muses breathlessly, practically shrugging. "I feel like that's still our job, don't you? And I'm sure the… _Phoenix King_  is already preparing to capture him or her, and we can't let that happen. Despite everything, I still believe in what Gran Gran told us when we left to join Aang, that our destiny is intertwined with the Avatar's."

Tears spill from my eyes, and I wipe them away, unsure if they are hopeful or just sad. Maybe Sokka is right. Maybe our destiny still revolves around the Avatar, not just Aang but maybe other Avatars too, and that thought is as devastating as it is uplifting. Maybe there is still some hope left for us. Maybe my destiny isn't as bleak or as short lived as I thought.

I can't keep myself from thinking about what Zuko said to me the the other day, how he said we needed to confront this one day at a time. He's right. That is the only way any of us are going to get through this, one step at a time, one goal at a time, and for now, helping the Earth Kingdom and finding the new Avatar will have to do. Everything else is just too overwhelming, to insurmountable but this...this I feel like I can do. This seems possible in a dying world full of impossibilities, but I am still unsure, unsure about everything.

Yes, I want to go home. Yes, I want to protect the new Avatar. Yes, in some roundabout way, I still feel the Avatar was my responsibility. Yes, I want find out what happened to my father and even Haru and the others, but I  _really_  don't want to be separated from Sokka either.

"Can we establish a rendezvous point?" I ask. I will need one if I want to get through this. I need assurance that this is only for a little while, that it is merely temporary. I need something to look forward to.

"Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom would probably be best," he replies, gripping his chin as he mulls it over.

"The swamp?"

Sokka frowns. "You just _love_  torturing me, don't you?"

I almost smile for the first time since I learned about Aang.

Before I can answer, Sokka is hobbling off towards Zuko who apparently approached during our exchange but hasn't interrupted.

It isn't until I see him that I remember that he is going on this trip with me, something I'm still not sure how I felt about. It is almost a relief knowing I won't be going on this journey alone, but I can't help but feel like a burden. I don't need an escort and Zuko undoubtedly has much more important matters to attend to. Regardless, we have both agreed to the arrangement, and now we are stuck with each other. Again.

Zuko's mouth twitches when our eyes mate, but he says nothing to me. Zuko is lost in his head most of the time and doesn't talk much. He always seems to be thinking, like he is constantly mulling something over, solving some impossible puzzle in the back of his head.

I find myself staring at him as he folds his arms and has a quiet exchange with Sokka. His eyes go to Sokka's face every now and then but continually shoot to the ground or on the terrain behind him.

I wonder if that is how I act when people talked to me too. I'm probably worse. I am here, but I'm not really here. I am…detached, detached to the point that I hardly notice how many members of the White Lotus are gone. Most of the tents are packed up and the campfires have been extinguished. Almost everyone and everything is gone except for us. Soon it will be like we were never here at all.

After losing Aang, I thought goodbyes would get easier. After all, nothing could possibly feel worse than losing Aang. Everything should be dull in comparison, but it isn't. Saying goodbye to everyone is unbearably hard even though it is temporary. Even saying goodbye to Iroh was difficult.

Watching Zuko and Iroh is always touching. Zuko listens to him intently and almost looks like a child saying goodbye to his father for the first time as Iroh embraces him. It fascinates me to see how much Zuko can really and truly care about another person. For so long I'd thought him incapable of such things.

"I never really had the chance to thank you before, but thank you for helping my nephew." Iroh holds my hands and is looking directly into my eyes with an expression that can only be described as earnest. I honestly don't even know when he approached me or how long he has been squeezing my hands.

"Oh." I shake my head a little in an attempt to regain focus. "You're welcome."

"Would you mind looking after him a bit longer?"

"Not at all," I reply even though I feel Zuko being with me is more for my benefit than his own. Or perhaps it is more of a favor to Sokka. I know the others think I am out of it, that I'm not mentally or emotionally fit to do something like this alone.

_They are probably right…_

"And take this with you." He places a teapot along with two cups into my hands. "Some tea might be a nice luxury every now and then."

I smile. "Thank you, General Iroh."

He hugs me, and I hesitate at first but end up returning the gesture. I notice Iroh is unnaturally warm too, but it is different than Zuko's warmth somehow, just like how his eyes are golden but not quite as sharp or as intense as Zuko's.

Toph leaves shortly after Iroh, calling me Sugar Queen and telling me to keep Zuko out of trouble and from starting trouble. She makes a crack about him burning her feet, but it lacks her usual quip.

I can probably count the number of times I've seen Toph cry on one hand, and it always baffles me. Toph's faded eyes swell with tears as she embraces Suki. Her voice starts breaking when Zuko wraps his arms around her shoulders, and by the time she gets to Sokka and me, she is crying softly. And then we are crying too. Even Zuko sheds a few silent tears before it is all said and done.

I keep thinking that I am finally, finally out of tears, but somehow, my body continually proves me wrong.

"Take care of him?" I whisper as I cling to Suki.

"I will. I promise," Suki insists as she reluctantly pulls away. "We'll all be back together before you know it."

I nod and offer a small smile.

Nearby, I am sure Sokka and Zuko are having a similar conversation but with more talk of strategy, and Zuko is probably vowing he will protect me. I think they will merely shake hands or grip each other's arms, but Sokka actually gives Zuko a quick hug.

Of course, I cling to Sokka the longest. This will be the most we have ever been apart. Ever. We have always been together. It has always been the two of us. Sokka is a constant of sorts, but if this is what Sokka wants to do, if this is really what they think is best for everyone, then I'll do it.

"I'm gonna miss you," I whimper. I know I am soaking his shoulder with tears and other fluids, but I can't help it nor do I care.

"I'm gonna miss you too, but this isn't permanent, okay? Just for a little while until we can sort everything out," he insists, but it doesn't make me feel much better. I've heard this already. It's like everyone is telling me this to keep me from falling apart and hiding in my bedroll for days on end again.

I nod in reply but don't let go. I cling to him a while longer, whispering how much I love him and getting him to make all kinds of unrealistic promises until he finally has enough and eases away from me.

"Okay, Katara. I'm gonna have to pry you off now...and change clothes." He pulls away and examines his now damp shoulder with obvious and exaggerated disgust. It is the most animated I've seen him. He seems more like my brother, which is bittersweet considering I am about to be separated from him. I am glad to see his humor slowly returning, but I will miss it when I am with Zuko. Zuko has proven time and time again that his sense of humor rivals that of a piece of seaweed.

Suki and Sokka then make their way towards their eel hounds, but I can't actually watch them leave. I just don't think my heart can take it so I sit back down by one of the trees that have been burned to their bones with Momo. Apparently, Momo has decided to stay with me instead of going with Sokka.

If someone asked how long I sat there with the lemur in my lap, I wouldn't be able to tell them. Time started marching on without my acknowledgement. It is like I've forgotten that it is a thing of consequence, something I should pay attention to. As a result, I don't pay attention to it.

_"You ready to go?"_

I jump and look over her shoulder to see Zuko looming over me. He has his cloak on, the one he wore when we went to see the Ember Island Players. Apparently, he is ready to hide his identity if necessary.

I start to tell him  _no,_ that I'm not ready, that I will never be ready to move on…but deep down I know I have to. Not for myself but for the others, for those who remain, for those I care about.

"I guess so." I sigh and with Momo on my shoulder, I reluctantly make my way towards my ostrich horse.

* * *

Zuko and I don't talk much except for when it is necessary, and I am surprisingly okay with that. Talking lately isn't much fun anyway. All the topics usually depress me, so the quiet isn't that bad.

I will be the first to admit I didn't wanted to go on another journey with Zuko, but after a while, I've actually found comfort it in. After we got the news about Aang and left the Fire Nation Capital, we were forced to clumsily make our way through the Earth Kingdom with the nothing but the frail hope of  _maybe_  finding the others. It was a horrible time for both of us. Zuko was hurt and I was basically devastated to the point of delirium, but the motivation to find the others kept us going somehow.

It isn't until now that I realize how… _used_  to Zuko I became throughout that journey. There is a certain level of comfort that comes with being with him because he is no longer foreign to me. We have been through this before, and I know quirky little things about him because I've spent enough time with him to know them.

He rises early and usually goes to sleep shortly after the sun goes down. He likes almost all of his meals well done; otherwise he will either pick at it or not eat much of it. He gets hot easily and sometimes sleeps on top of his sleeping bag instead of in it. He is also surprisingly clean. I had to beg Sokka, Toph, and sometimes even Aang to wash, but Zuko bathed diligently. I assume that is the prince in him making an appearance.

If I did this with another member of the White Lotus or even Pakku, it would be more of a struggle and a bit more awkward. Sure, Zuko is not beyond getting on my nerves but it is predictable. I know what to expect from him. We already know how to coexist with one another.

When I really think about it, I've spent more time with Zuko alone than I have with any the others, excluding Sokka of course. When it comes to the others, we were almost always a group, but Zuko and I have been a duo repeatedly. First when went after Yon Rha. Again when he asked me to help him defeat Azula up until we reunited with the others after the comet. And here we are again, going to the South Pole.

It is dizzying to think about how much the dynamic of our relationship has changed and as a result of everything that's happened, so I choose not to.

"I miss water…" I muse as we sit in a shallow creek surrounded by a few dead trees. Thanks to the comet, the drought, and the summer heat, it is essentially a big mud puddle, but when I saw it after a long day riding ostrich horses through dry earth, I demanded we stop.

"You're in water," he counters dryly without opening his eyes. He looks like a starfish splayed out on the bank beside me. I can't figure out if he is sunbathing or soaking. Only the lower portion of his body is in the water.

"Lots of water," I clarify as I bend some of the water onto my hands. "Enough water to swim in."

"Maybe we can find some tomorrow."

I sigh and wriggle my toes in the mud at the bottom of the creek. I honestly feel grosser now than I did before we got in, but I am not as sweaty anymore so that is an improvement. And since our time in the desert, I've learned to not take even the smallest amount of water for granted.

After watching Momo attempt to catch nearby frogs and tadpoles for a while, Zuko has apparently had enough. He stands, shakes some of the water out of his dark hair and firebends the rest off his body until it is either steam or vapor in the air.

"I'm going to make camp." He grabs his shirt off the ground and slings it over his shoulder. "You can stay here a little longer if you want."

I nod and keep my place in the muddy creek. Water – no matter how dirty – always comforts me, and I need comfort in this new world that offers so little of it. Water is my constant. It is faithful, and it doesn't betray me by stirring up painful memories.

Eventually, (once I am essentially a sea prune) I decide that I should probably get out and try to help Zuko make camp.

Again, time is apparently lost on me because Zuko already has our tent and campfire all set up amidst what was probably once a clearing in a small forest. He even appears to be sorting through our food in an attempt to piece together a meal.

If Toph were here, she'd call me a hypocrite. For someone who had once been so stern about everyone doing their share, I am surprisingly lax now. I've broken one of the rules I'd once strictly adhered to and enforced.

"Sorry… I stayed longer than I meant to…" I say shyly as I wring my clothes in my hands. I feel bad about breaking my own rule and making someone who is still recovering from basically being electrocuted to death make camp by themselves. Zuko is much better, and I worked on his chest at the creek, but he is still sore even though he insists he is fine.

Zuko's mouth does the thing that it does whenever he is on the verge of smiling. "It's fine."

"You can take a break now. I'll handle dinner."

"Good because I had no idea what to make," he admits, sounding significantly relieved, and I can't keep myself from grinning a little.

I end up making some stew while Zuko does his best to brew some tea in the pot Iroh gave us, and it is actually pretty good. I'm not the biggest fan of tea, but I actually enjoy this batch. It isn't that strong and is sweeter than normal, which I like.

Briefly, I wonder if Zuko has catered to my tastes like I carter to his when it comes to my cooking lately, but I decide it is probably just a coincidence.

Like always, once the sun is gone for a while and once his belly is full, Zuko crawls into the tent. And since I don't want to be alone, I put up the leftovers, douse the campfire, and follow suit even though I'm not tired.

Momo settles in between us like he usually does, but the biggest difference I notice tonight is that Zuko and I have both refused to redress after our time in the creek. The heat is apparently bothering him, but I can't figure out if I stayed in my bindings because I am hot or if I am just so out of it that I simply forgot to redress. Regardless of the reason, it isn't a big deal to me anymore. Modesty is a bit more trivial than it used to be. Besides, I am pretty sure Zuko has seen more of me than this before.

Zuko's back is facing me, and I find myself staring holes into it. In that moment I realize how much… _broader_  he is than Aang and Sokka, perhaps not more muscular but definitely broader, thicker. I wonder if it is a firebender thing or just his particular bloodline. I haven't had the  _privilege_  of seeing Ozai up close, but I've always heard he is massive and Iroh, while stocky, is far from small.

The silence in the tent is suddenly deafening, which is good for sleep, but the quiet I've become so acquainted with lately is no longer as comforting as it once was. Maybe I am finally regaining some of my senses. Maybe I am finally lucid and sober enough to realize I still like social interactions, or maybe I don't want my mind to have the chance to go into dangerous territory.

"Zuko?" I call tentatively.

"Mm?" He shifts a bit but doesn't roll over.

"Can we talk about something…?"

I can't see his face, but I somehow know his brow has furrowed. He probably doesn't understand. This is a bit of an odd request.

He rolls onto his back and looks over at me. "What do you want to talk about...?"

"Anything but new Avatars and the new world order."

Zuko frowns. "You do realize I'm horrible at this kind of thing?"

"Then just…tell me something I don't know about you." I sit up and lean back onto my haunches as I gaze down at him. "Something simple, like your favorite time of year or your favorite color."

He sits upright too and folds his legs underneath him. "…I like spring, early spring when everything starts to bloom and come back to life. It isn't too cold, and it isn't too hot..."

I can tell that time of year probably holds some special memory for him by the way his eyes glaze over a little. I am also briefly startled by the fact that his eyes do indeed seem to glow in the dark like hot, golden cinders.

"Your turn." His eyes lock onto me as if sensing my staring, and I shrink a little. Something about the gold in his eyes, especially in the dark, intimidates me. Is that inherited too? Are their eyes like that for the sole purpose of intimidating people and bending them to their will? If so, it is terribly unfair for genetics to favor them in such a way.

"Um." I begin nervously running my fingers through the ends of my hair. "Seasons are kind of hard for me. You know, because I grew up at the South Pole. There were just different levels of cold, but once I started traveling…" I flinch, the memory of starting my journey with Aang piercing my heart.

"Color," Zuko says immediately, sounding anxious and desperate to divert my attention. "What's your favorite color?"

"I like blue and purple," I reply without hesitation.

"Blue and purple are nice…" he adds awkwardly.

"What's yours? Red?" I scoff, snickering a bit.

"I don't like red as much as you'd think. Red is more of an obligation than an indulgence."

He sounds like a prince, and Zuko rarely sounds like a prince. It's…intriguing. Perhaps he was a prince often to other people, but around us, he was either a jerk or a callous young man. It is hard to pinpoint Zuko though. He has all these layers and sides that contrasted as much as the opposing sides of his face. He is nothing like my original opinion of him—at least not anymore.

"Then what color do you like?" I ask, and I realize that I am genuinely curious.

"I like yellow more than red, but blue is nice too." His eyes meet mine again, and something tells me that my eyes are the blue he is talking about. My face and ears suddenly feel kind of hot. "But I hate green."

My brow knits. "What's wrong with green?"

"Green…reminds me of my mistakes."

Ba Sing Se. He doesn't say it, but that is what he is talking about. Ba Sing Se, the Crystal Catacombs, and maybe even some of his other experiences in the Earth Kingdom. I can't really blame him. Ba Sing Se wasn't exactly a pleasant time for me either.

"Now that I think about it, I don't really like green either," I confess.

Zuko sighs heavily and folds his arms over his chest, looking uncomfortable.

Suddenly, I am reaching out for him, taking one of his hands in both of mine. I don't remember giving my hands permission do to that, but he looks miserable, sad, and wounded, and as a healer, it is my job and my instinct to take pain away.

His expression is nothing if not bemused as I hold onto his thumb with one hand and the rest of his fingers in the other, but his hand twitches in response to my touch.

"It's okay," I whisper even though I honestly have no idea what I am talking about anymore. Ba Sing Se? How he'd betrayed me? Aang? The Phoenix King? His reign?

"I don't understand you…" he breaths, but his fingers are curling around mine.

"It's okay," I repeat, squeezing his hand.

_He is so warm._

Zuko sighs, then he is closing his eyes and lazily resting his forehead against mine, shaking his head. He looks at a loss. He also looks like he is in pain again, and my thumb begins running across his skin as a result.

It is nice to comfort someone else for a change. It is liberating, like I have some of my old strength back for a little while.

His breaths are strong, healthy, heavy, and (no surprise) warm, almost like the steam that levitates off a hot bath. The breaths are right against my mouth, running along my lips, trying to coax them apart so they can wriggle inside and fill my lungs with fire. However, it isn't until I feel his hair tickling at my cheeks and his nose brushing against mine as he shakes his head that I realize just how close he is to me. I can even  _smell_  him, that smoky, earthy smell with spicy undertones…

At that moment I realize how dangerous it is for two wounded, damaged people to be alone together. It clouds their judgment and makes them do things they wouldn't normally do if the circumstances were different. But the circumstances aren't different, so this feels…nice.

I stare at him, mesmerized by how thick yet short his lashes are, how they caress the dark circles hanging under his eyes.

His eyes open and the intensity in them and the glow of all that gold mere centimeters from my eyes causes me to jolt and jerk away. Zuko doesn't seem fazed or surprised though.

No longer as drunk on grief, the summer heat, that spicy, smoky smell, and Zuko's warmth, I release his hand.

"Try to get some rest," he say lowly as he lies back down.

I curl up next to him out of habit, out of some basic, primal need to be comforted by him. Apparently, he has already spoiled me. I don't know when I became so pathetic, but I've started relying on him for this sort of thing. It is almost instinctive now. Anytime I feel sad about Aang and the loss of my hope, of everything I know to be true, I get close to Zuko simply because that is what I did after Sozin's Comet while we searched for the others. He was all I had then, and he is all I have right now. He is what makes me feel better. He makes the pain bearable, and I am  _just_  desperate enough to accept that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> This story will probably be more of a slow burn romance initially and Katara will be pretty depressed and out of it for a while but trust me, she will get over it! She just needs some time and some TLC, which she will get even though this story will be pretty angst-filled in general. She probably won't be exactly the same as she was in canon (I don't think she could ever fully recover from losing Aang) but she won't stay as bad as she is now!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	3. ZUKO

Katara and I have fallen into a routine. It is a bit redundant, and we rarely deviate from it, but it is a routine nonetheless.

I am kind of grateful for the redundancy at times. It makes the journey south go by a bit quicker. The days all kind of blur together. If it weren't for the changing scenery, I would think that it had all just been one  _really_  long, miserable day.

During the day, when we aren't traveling, we either buy supplies in a town or village or scavenge for them ourselves. Once the sun goes down, we make camp, eat, then retreat into the tent where Katara asks me questions until she grows tired enough to sleep. After she quits asking questions, she curls up next to me, either seeking warmth or comfort. I am not sure which, but I guess I don't mind either way. It's not like I have it in me to make her stop. As strange as it is, it is just what we do now.

We are closing in on the western edge of the Earth Kingdom, and I am still shocked by just how far the comet's damage has spread. I keep expecting it to stop. I keep telling myself that it can't stretch on forever; that they couldn't have possibly burned the entire Earth Kingdom...

They haven't, but there is still more damage than I care to think about.

Every time we stop in a village or town, Katara always asks about the injured and proceeds to offer her healing abilities until there is no one left or until she is on the verge of falling over.

There have been multiple occurrences where I have had to step in and tell her that she has to stop, that she has to rest. Luckily, the numbers of those who need her abilities are finally starting to dwindle away the further we travel southwest.

I am glad Katara isn't needed as much, despite how mesmerized I always am when watching her heal others. Perhaps it's because she is my opposite that she intrigues me so much. I will never be able to do anything like that. Other times I think it is just because it is simply Katara, because  _she_  just has this way with people even without waterbending.

Dealing with people is another area where Katara and I appear to be opposites. I am not much of a people person. I like my privacy, my alone time, my time to think and meditate. She seems to crave social interaction though. It seems to do her good. She always brightens a bit after we met new people or after she has helped someone.

Despite the good it obviously does Katara, going into villages and towns is always a challenge, something I always dread but something I also know to be a necessity. We need to restock on food, supplies, and things of that nature, but I frankly feel safer in the woods…or maybe I don't like hearing about all the loss, seeing all the hurt and devastation. Maybe I don't like being reminded of just how bad things are and how we have failed these people. In the woods with Katara, I can almost forget.

Katara, however, likes to linger. She likes civilization. She likes people.

I can't entirely blame her. She is a people person, and she doesn't have a scar that mars half of her face that screams to the world that she is a traitor, a banished prince, the son of the man who brought the world to its knees.

The dark hood I wear far over my head helps a little, but people can still see into it if I turn the right way or if they look long enough. My only hope is that enough people have been harmed during the comet that scars like mine are no longer as uncommon. The gold in my eyes, however, is another matter. I can't hide my heritage, so eye contact is something else I avoid as much as possible.

"Do you want mangos or apples?" Katara eyes the fruit cart in front of us.

"I don't care. Just pick something," I grumble, my eyes shifty.

Katara frowns. "You don't have to get snappy."

It isn't like there is much to pick from anyway. This trip into civilization (or what's left of it) has essentially been pointless, effectively souring my mood. Firebenders and bandits ravaged the place a few days ago, and there is nothing but scraps and the little they were able to harvest after the trouble left.

I am getting bored, anxious, and twitchy. We have been here too long. I understand the necessity of supplies, and I am glad Katara was able to help the sick and the injured when we arrived. In fact, watching Katara heal people is one of the few things I still find pleasure in, but I am ready to go. It is probably just my nerves and my paranoia but I feel people staring at me, trying to peer into my hood to get a look at my face. I am getting  _don't-I-know-you?_ looks.

After what feels like forever, Katara finally pries herself away from the fruit stand and approaches me. She is looking in the satchel as she closes the gap between us, likely doing a mental inventory to ensure that we indeed have everything we need before we dive back into the woods for some untold amount of time. We could easily be stuck on dry roads and in the wilderness for days without coming across any kind of civilization.

"Are we good? Can we go now?" I am unable to guise the impatience and slight irritation in my tone.

"I think so," she replies as she hands me the bag of supplies.

" _Do you have any flour?"_

" _No. I just sold the last of it to that young lady in blue."_

Katara hesitates and glances back at the merchant cart she left not too long ago. I follow her gaze, and a woman with a baby wrapped in a sling across her chest and a small child clinging to her hip stand across from the merchant.

"Any fruit or vegetables?" the woman inquires further.

The merchant shakes his head. "I'm sorry. Between the bandits and the firebenders, we don't have much of anything. We're trying to get what we can out of what remains of our crops, but it might be a few days before we can harvest anything or get shipments from nearby villages."

"Rice? Berries? Anything?"

"I've got some lychee nuts," the merchant offers half-heartedly.

The boy at the woman's side clearly isn't happy with the offer, but the woman accepts the deal anyway.

Before I can react, Katara snatches the satchel from my hands and dashes towards the woman.

"Here!" She holds open the bag of fruit, rice, and a few other goods we just bought. "I'll split some of what we have with you. What do you need?"

The woman's pale green eyes widen with surprise. I, however, am not surprised at all by this development. This is typical Katara. We can barely go anywhere without her giving something we have either bought or harvested away to someone. I'm pretty sure she would donate our limbs and organs to those in need if she could.

I don't mind. I am happy to share. It helps absolve some of my guilt, but I was looking forward to that mango. Katara and I have been living off nuts and berries for a while now, and I was looking forward to something more substantial…but this woman and her children clearly need it more than we do.

"Thank you so much!" The woman looks like she might cry as she accepts the offering and hugs Katara. "This will help us out a great deal. Every little bit helps."

"You're welcome. I'm just sorry I can't do more…" Katara frowns as she eyes the baby and the small boy.

"Where are you headed?" the Earth Kingdom woman inquires, gently stroking the baby nestled against her.

"The South Pole."

"You're water tribe…" The woman's brow wrinkles with confusion and intrigue. "How did you end up here?"

Katara grimaces slightly. "It's a really long story."

The woman looks in my direction, and I quickly avert my gaze so she can't pin down by features, but I think she got a pretty good look at me anyway. Maybe she'll be so grateful for the food that she won't care that it is from a girl traveling with a firebender.

"Are you two traveling alone?" she asks politely.

Katara nods. "Mm-hmm."

"You should come with us. I'm with a small group of refugees traveling south towards Omashu. We don't have much, but we do have numbers and earthbenders to help fend off the bandits and the firebenders. You can't put a price on that nowadays. It would also give us a chance to repay you for your kindness."

Katara glances back at me, and I can tell by the twinkle in her brilliantly blue eyes that she wants to join this traveling band of refugees.

"What do you think?"

A part of me wants to say  _no_. A part of me feels that it will be more trouble than it is worth, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about the bandit problem. We have been lucky so far, but there is the distinct possibility that our luck will run out. Yes, we can defend ourselves but not if their numbers are too great, especially since I am still recovering from my sister shooting me full of lightning. And honestly, I can't bring myself to tell Katara no. She doesn't have passion for much anymore, and it is refreshing to see her kind of excited about something again.

"If it's what you want to do." I shrug a shoulder.

Katara takes a few steps toward me. "Are you sure?"

_Don't tempt me…_

"It might be more beneficial than traveling alone," I reply, my tone flat and indifferent.

Katara smiles at me and mouths  _thank you,_ probably already knowing that I  _really_  don't want to do this, that I am doing it simply because she wants to.

"We'd love to join you," Katara replies, a little pep in her step as she spins around.

"Wonderful! My name is Ela. This is my son Kanan." Ela pats the boy still clinging to her hip. "And this is my daughter Jaya." She motions to the bundle against her chest.

For a moment, we stand there unaware of the fact that she is obviously waiting for us to introduce ourselves.

This is a problem. We haven't had to introduce ourselves to anyone thus far, and we haven't talked about a plan of action should the need ever arise. We are not prepared for this.

"Oh." Katara looks at me with desperate eyes. "My name is Kya and this is…"

"Lee," I finish for her. I decide to go with Lee since I used it so much during my time as a refugee. It will probably be easier to slip back into that old alias instead of mustering up a new one.

"It's lovely to meet you both." Ela smiles, her green eyes glistening. "Follow me. I'm sure the others will be happy to hear we have new recruits."

Katara bounds after her eagerly while I fall behind and follow at a distance.

* * *

It is arguably the saddest caravan I've ever seen. The wagons are lopsided and full of tattered materials and broken goods. Most of the people inside and around those wagons are either burned, dirty, or thin, sometimes all three. The poor ostrich horses pulling the wagons or carrying people aren't much better. Some are burned, others are missing feathers or eyes or claws. They've clearly already had some encounters with bandits and firebenders.

Ela begins introducing us to everyone, but I'm not paying attention. There is no way I will be able to remember all of these names, and I probably wouldn't try to dedicate the names to memory even if I  _did_  have that kind of mental capacity. I just don't care, and I honestly don't want to build a relationship or create a connection with these people when I probably won't be with them long. This is a temporary arrangement at best.

They offer to hitch our ostrich horses to their wagons with some of the others. I accept, but I watch where they are placed and make a mental note of where they are in case we run into trouble or if someone decides to steal them. They are obviously in better condition than the rest.

Katara said I was being rude. I argued that I was being smart.

After the seemingly endless introductions and once everyone is settled and ready to go, Katara and Momo jump into a nearby wagon with Ela and her children.

I start to just ride my ostrich horse alongside or behind that same wagon but think better of it when I realize Katara will probably be battered with questions inside that wagon, and if we want to pull this little charade off as Lee and Kya and not Prince Zuko and Katara, we will need to be on the same page. I will need to know what she is telling everyone so there won't be any inconsistencies or holes in our story. We don't need to give anyone any other reasons to find us suspicious.

I climb into the smelly wagon overflowing with smelly people and see that there is very little room inside. My eyes meet Katara's, and she flushes a moment before standing and pointing to the spot where she'd just been sitting, the only spot available save for a microscopic patch of manure and hay-ridden flooring.

_Oh…_

For a moment, I weigh my options. The floor is already covered with children and the elderly. So I can either go back out and ride an ostrich horse or I suck it up and stay with her in a less conspicuous manner.

Reluctantly, I take the seat. Katara tries to squeeze in between me and the woman on the other side of me and fails, so she ultimately eases into my lap. She tries to make it look natural, and maybe it seems that way to these strangers, but I see her hesitate. I see the apprehension.

I am literally at a loss of what to do with my hands. I've never had a woman in my lap before, at least not like this… Mai never would have sat across my lap even if I'd gotten on my knees and begged. This is uncharted territory.

Eventually, I decide to rest one hand on her lap near her knees and place the other on her back to steady her in case the ride gets bumpy.

"Am I hurting you?" she asks softly.

I shake my head.

"Is your chest okay?"

I nod.

Her cheeks redden a little more. Her eyes meet mine, and her blush is suddenly contagious as she loops one of her arms around my neck, having realized how awkward and uncomfortable she looked holding her hands in her lap.

The wagon begins moving and the people around us start to chatter amongst themselves. Some chew on lychee nuts and mint leaves while others stare holes in the floor. I find myself grouped with those who did the latter, anything to get my mind of the waterbender in my lap, but she is hard to ignore. The damn wagon lurches around constantly, so I have to frequently lift and shift her back onto my lap to keep her from flying onto the people around us.

Finding a comfortable position is impossible. I move her then she complains, chastises me, and shifts around again. She also huffs and puffs at me if my hands fall too far below the waist or too high up on her leg or if I pull her too close after almost dropping her in the floor. Half the time I don't even know what I'm grabbing. I am just trying to keep her from falling through the floorboards or kicking the elderly man next to us in the face.

"Your necklace is beautiful," Ela says as she gently bounces her swaddled baby against her chest.

Katara's expression goes solemn as she touches the emblem on her throat but it quickly changes when she peers past my hood and into my eyes. She suddenly looks…concerned and then determined.

"Thank you," she replies. "Lee got it for me."

My eyes widen to the size of saucers.

_What is she doing?!_

"How did you meet?" an elderly woman across the wagon from us asks. I realize then that we intrigue them. We are new, and we aren't the most common of pairs. It's not every day that you see a waterbender and a firebender  _willingly_ occupying the same space.

_So much for lying low…_

"Tell them the colonies," I whisper against her neck.

Her shudder isn't lost on me as she says: "W-We met in the Fire Nation colonies."

"He's Fire Nation?" yet another woman barks, this one is middle aged and looks like she has been eating most of their food. She jiggles as she talks.

"He's my fiancée," Katara interjects immediately, sounding surprisingly defensive. It is a desperate act to save me from the lion vultures. She is doing this…to protect me, _me_  of all people!

It works. The tension dissolves simply because she says I am hers; that I am from the colonies and not the scourge that spills from the capital.

"Don't be ashamed. There are several others from the colonies with us. It really isn't that uncommon for people from the Earth Kingdom to marry those who live in the colonies." Ela smiles warmly at us. "Although…I'm not sure if I've ever seen a girl from the tribes with a man from the colonies..."

I want to say that it's because it simply doesn't happen. People from the Water Tribes don't inhabit Fire Nation Colonies or even areas around them, but everyone seems to buy our fib. In fact, some of them even seem oddly… _charmed_  by it. Of course, there are plenty of disapproving scowls to go around.

Thankfully, the conversation shifts and they begin talking about other things once again. I am finally able to relax a little until we hit a particularly rough patch of terrain. The wagon lurches back and forth and Katara almost falls out of my lap and onto the floor of people, but instinctively, I wrap my arms around her and clumsily pull her back into my lap. However, doing so does nothing for my damaged chest.

Katara's arms wrap around my neck as she tries to keep her seat, and I curse under my breath as pain ripples through me.

"I'm sorry!" she gasps, likely feeling me tense with pain.

I want to tell her that it's okay, but I can't. I am in too much pain to speak considering the lurching hasn't stopped. This was a horrible idea. Why did I agree to all this? This is nothing but a pain in the—

"Is he hurt?" the old lady with hazel eyes and breezy white hair asks, actually looking concerned.

"He was hurt during the comet," Katara replies vaguely as I continued to wince.

"If he was burned, we have some ointment in another wagon further back. You're welcome to use some of it when we stop." She gives a toothy grin even though she is missing a few teeth.

"At this rate, I'm gonna need more than ointment…" I grouse, oozing sarcasm.

Katara places her fingers on my lips to silence me. "He would love some ointment. Thank you."

* * *

When the caravan finally stops for the night, I all but throw Katara out of my lap. I am  _so_ ready to get out of that wagon. I am stiff, grumpy, hungry, and sleepy.

As tired and hungry as I am, I am more than willing to help everyone set up camp. I welcome the change of pace. Anything would be better than riding in that damn wagon.

I am not surprised at all when Katara starts helping the others with food preparations. She gathers around a giant pot and jumps right in as if she's been helping them cook for weeks.

While Katara helps with food, I am left with nothing to do except unhitch ostrich horses, unload wagons, and gather firewood for the multiple campfires scattered throughout the space.

There are a few times when I think of offering to light some of the fires so they don't have to light them by hand, but I never follow through. Just because the people we shared a wagon with didn't seem to mind that I am Fire Nation, doesn't mean others will be as understanding, even if I am pretending to be from the colonies. Ela said that there were others from the Fire Nation colonies traveling with them, but I have yet to see any. I decide that it will be best to hold back on firebending and showing my eyes until I get a better assessment of just how welcoming everyone is.

After I finish trying to make myself somewhat useful to the caravan, I prop myself against a tree near one of the more isolated campfires and watch as Katara flies around the camp, handing out bowls of food and tending to the sick, burned, and injured.

I just knew that she would be up all night taking care of these people she doesn't know, but, to my surprise, she actually finishes before dawn and seeks me out.

"I thought I'd find you over here lurking in the shadows." Katara hands me a small bowl of rice, somehow knowing that I haven't eaten. "Come on. Let's go sit down. Socializing won't kill you."

"It might," I argue. "If someone figures out who I am or decides they don't want a firebender traveling with them…"

"You'll be fine. None of these people are looking to pick fights. They just want to rebuild and find new homes. Even if someone did figure out who you are, I doubt they'd do anything about it."

I frown but follow her to the nearest campfire anyway. On some level, I know she is right. These people are as tired and broken as we are, maybe even more so. Katara and I still have homes. I can't return to mine and Katara's could be occupied by firebenders by now, but they are still standing. There is some solace in the fact that they are there. These people have nothing but piles of ash and some of them may have even been refugees _before_  Sozin's Comet.

We sit and eat in contented silence, interrupted only when some of the people around us ask for our names and some of our backstory. I let Katara handle most of the questions. I am a horrible liar, so I only jump in when she needs me, which isn't often.

She tells them we met a little over a year ago and that we got engaged shortly before the comet came so we haven't really had a chance to get married. She sometimes even says that we are heading south to rejoin her family and hopefully get married soon, something that makes some of these forlorn, broken people smile. I guess it is nice to hear about something sentimental for a change, even if it does involve a firebender.

Once we finish eating, Katara gives the camp one more sweep to make sure no one else needs her healing. She tells our wagon-mates goodnight and follows me to the spot where I put down our sleeping bags.

I lie down first so that she can respond however she wants. That is usually how our nights are anyway. I lie down, and she will either curl up next to me or lay her head on my chest or turn her back to me completely. It just depends on her mood.

Katara slips in beside me, and Momo settles somewhere between us. Her head meets my shoulder, and her balled fist rests against my chest. I guess she thinks having her hand flat and open is too intimate. I personally feel that it is probably too late for modesty but if that makes her comfortable…

She is restless tonight. She continually tosses and turns, and her hand randomly squeezes my shirt.

Is it a full moon? Is the moon bothering her? I don't know, but I feel like I should do something to sooth her, to make sleeping easier. The only problem with that is that I honestly have no idea how to do that. Comforting people is still a foreign concept to me.

After a few more minutes of tolerating her squirming, I shift toward her, wrap an arm around her, and flatten my hand between her shoulder blades.

"Be still," I command, my tone firm yet somehow gentle.

"I'm trying." She continues to shift and wiggle against me, not liking the close proximity I have forced upon her in an attempt to stop her ruthless writhing.

"Try harder," I growl.

Clearly frustrated, she shoves me away and turns her back to me.

I hesitate a moment. I start to touch her or apologize, but this is actually a better alternative for me. This way I don't have to feel all her incessant tossing and turning.

I fall asleep relatively easily after that, but I'm not able to sleep long. Suddenly, movement and the sensation of someone moving my arms disturbs me.

It takes me a few groggy seconds before I realize Katara is back, having apparently decided I am not such a bad bedmate after all.

She moves my arms until she can use one of them as a pillow. She huffs and puffs, apparently still semi-mad at me or perhaps she is angry with herself. Despite the frustration, she is curling up next to me like she does whenever she needs solace.

Once I am sure she is done moving me around to her liking and cursing me under her breath, I drape my arm over her. I mold around her like lazy clay, only semi-coherent but coherent enough to know that she is close. I can smell her. I can feel her hair against my arm and tickling my chin. Like always, I find I don't mind.

She is like a heat leech. She burrows her way into me, turning me into a cocoon and once she is there, she falls asleep and I follow suit immediately after.

* * *

Just as we had on our own, Katara and I obtain a quirky routine amongst this little caravan. She helps with cooking, cleaning clothes, and children. Everyone was instantly taken with her, praising her cooking, healing abilities, and her kindness. Meanwhile, everyone is mostly indifferent to me. I am tolerated because I am linked to Katara.

Honestly, I'm not worth much. I can light fires, cut things, attempt to help with hunting and scavenging, but my injury slows me down. I am improving, but I'm still not entirely myself yet. All this traveling and time on ostrich horses and in rickety wagons probably isn't helping me either. Katara is an excellent healer, but she can only do so much, the rest is up to me and my body seems reluctant. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about how permanent this injury might be. This could be a lifelong thing. I might never be the same.

I also realize I might never get my privacy back. I am surrounded by Earth Kingdom refugees constantly. We have joined this huge, unruly family that interrupts you while you try to wash and has no qualms butting into your business. I am not crazy about the environment, but it is doing Katara a great deal of good, so I try my best to grin and bear it.

Once again, the days start to blur together. Sometimes I try to think about what I'll do after we reach the South Pole. Then I try to think of what I'll do if we find the new Avatar, if we didn't find the Avatar… Sometimes I even try to think about what I'll have to do to defeat my father. I try to think about all of these things, but I can never get far. My mind still refuses to go there. It is still too much. It is still too hard.

Life is much easier if I am just Lee. Lee's only objective is to get to the South Pole with his fiancée. He doesn't have all this obligation. He doesn't have nearly as many problems or issues to eventually deal with.

" _He doesn't talk much, does he?"_

I am pretending to sleep on a grassy patch of ground near a small creek while Katara washes clothes, and Momo tries to catch small fish. My eyes are closed to keep people from talking to me or asking questions. However, this doesn't keep those same people from asking Katara questions.

I think the voice belongs to one of the younger girls in the caravan. She is your typical Earth Kingdom girl: long dark hair, green eyes, and pale skin. There isn't really anything memorable about her, and I don't remember her name. Katara always has to help me with everyone's names because I don't bother with them.

_"He's…complicated…"_  Katara replies. If I weren't pretending to sleep, I would glare at her.  _Complicated_  is a polite way of calling me an ass.

" _How long have you known him?"_

" _Um, about a year, I guess."_

" _He's handsome."_

" _I wouldn't say that too loud. He's just pretending to be asleep."_

This time I  _do_  open my eyes to glare at her, and she smiles triumphantly. It is a real smile too, one that reaches her eyes. It has been a while since I've seen one of those.

"How did you know I wasn't asleep?" I ask.

Katara dunks a piece of dull, green clothing into the water. "You're breathing is different when you sleep. It's not nearly as fast and you stop holding tension in your face and shoulders."

_Wow. Have we been spending that much time together?_

I huff and slowly sit upright.

Katara continues to wash clothes as I take my shirt off and sit down in the shallow water.

We've finally reached a greener, less burned part of the Earth Kingdom. It is surprisingly nice here. There is a substantial amount of water in the creek, enough that it actually has a gentle current. I find myself staring at it. It is soothing, hypnotic. I am starting to understand why Katara longs for water the way she does.

The persistent hum of human voices begins to fade, but I don't leave the water. I just sit there, trying to mull everything over and ultimately failing. I feel…stuck. Lost. I've felt lost before but not like this. This is different. It leaves a horrible, bitter taste in my mouth.

I feel arms wrap around my neck, and I slowly realize that the arms belong to Katara. She has done this before. Sometimes she will hug me if she thinks I need it. Apparently, I look like I need it.

I feel her against my back, her head resting on my shoulder from behind. Oddly enough, it does make me feel better, lighter even though there isn't much to it.

Eventually, she lets go, strips to her bindings, and jumps into the creek too. But unlike me, she dives in, making sure she is completely immersed before resurfacing. Once she is good and damp, she sits next to me in the shallow water.

It is surprisingly easy pretending to be her fiancée, probably too easy if I think about it long enough. And if I'm truthful with myself, I'd much rather be Lee than Zuko.

"Want to spar?" I finally ask. Honestly, I am tired of doing basic forms by myself in the woods.

Katara looks surprised. "Uh, sure…but nothing crazy. You're still healing."

Nodding, I stand and offer her my hand. She eyes it skeptically a moment, clearly unsure if she wants to take it. Sometimes it is obvious that I am not her favorite person, but after some internal debate and visible hesitation, she accepts.

My hand wraps around hers, and I haul her up out of the water. I pull her closer to me than I originally intended. We are a breath apart, practically pressed together as she gazes up at me with wide, innocent eyes.

Something palpable passes between us, something I've felt only a handful of times before, something not unlike the sensation of Azula's lightning coursing through me. I've felt it with Mai, with Jin, and recently, with Katara. Well, I've felt it with Katara before but not to this extent. It is more intense now.

She must feel it too because she snatches her hand out of mine and begins leading the way further into the woods around us.

Fine with me. I don't want to think about it either. It is best to shove whatever it is away. It is already  _way_  too easy pretending to be her fiancée, and I am not about to contemplate why. I am just going to follow her to some secluded spot in the woods and try to spar without injuring myself further, and I won't have to think about anything else.

* * *

After a very mild sparing match, Katara and I return to camp, and she immediately starts helping the others prepare whatever it is we'll be eating for dinner. It probably won't be much. There is barely enough to go around. Everything is rationed and small. It quickly became obvious why Ela had been so eager to purchase any amount of food the day we met her.

Like always, I go off to myself and wait for Katara to finish and bring me my rations. When she does, we join Ela and some of her other typical wagon-mates (I've stopped riding in the wagon) and eat our meal.

We finish our food and I know what's coming next. Katara will demand to treat the hole in my chest since she hasn't done so today.

As expected, Katara motions for me to follow her and points to an empty spot in front of the campfire.

I sit down without objection. I wriggle my cloak and shirt off my head, trying to ignore the murmurs that erupt around us once my face is visible. My hair hides my ear but my eye is out for everyone to see even though there are only a handful of people around.

I ease out of the bandages with Katara's help and more murmurs resonate around us even though this isn't the first time we've done this. We usually try to have healing sessions by isolated bodies of water where we can have our privacy, but sometimes Katara insists on other locations.

"What happened to you?" the Earth Kingdom girl from earlier asks bluntly.

Apparently, sharing comet stories is something everyone does to form a sense of community. I can't count the number of times someone has asked why Katara is tending to me or why I wear bandages on my torso and shoulder. Katara often tells me that I'm rude, but I find the questions rude. Maybe I don't want to talk about my injury. Maybe I don't want to share. Don't they think that it might be a sore subject for me? Does it not occur to them that maybe some people  _don't_  want to talk about how they were scarred and maimed? I saw a guy without a foot earlier but did I ask him how he lost it? No.

"He got hurt saving my life…" Katara replies softly, something wistful in her tone as she positions herself between my legs so she can get as close to me as possible.

"That's  _so_  sweet!" another Earth Kingdom girl beams, placing a hand over her heart as a dreamy look clouds her eyes. "Someday, I hope I can find someone who loves me that much."

Katara's eyes meet mine, and something passes between us again. It is something unspoken, something implied…but I don't know what. Whatever it is, it is too much for me, so I look away.

They continue to ramble on about true love and husbands as the familiar healing glow coats Katara's hands and my torso. I try not to roll my eyes, but as I look at Katara I can see the thinly veiled hurt flickering across her face as they ask about wedding dates and other mushy nonsense.

Aang… She is thinking about Aang. I am instantly furious with these dumb, dreamy Earth Kingdom girls even though deep down I know they have no way of knowing that talking about  _'true love'_  and  _'soul mates'_  would hurt her so much. They expect her to beam with pride because they think I am her precious fiancée, her  _'true love.'_

I reach out and take hold of Katara's hand in silent support as it glides along my chest. The others will see this as a trite display of affection, but it is much more than that. This goes much deeper. I am apologizing.

She watches our hands mesh and squeezes tightly. For a moment, our fingers lace, and she clings to me for dear life. But suddenly, she looks more confused than hurt and yanks her hand away.

Genuinely uncomfortable in more ways than one, I shoot to my feet and make my way towards the isolated spot where we put down our sleeping bags. I don't know if she is finished trying to heal my mangled sinew or not, but I'm not asking. I am finished whether she is or not.

Katara murmurs some goodnight to the girls before falling into stride behind me, struggling to keep up with my heated pace. We walk together in an awkward silence. There is tension between us. Things are suddenly strained in comparison to the usual effortlessness. That will make sleeping together tonight… _complicated._

I keep hearing that stupid Earth Kingdom girl… _'I hope I can find someone who loves me that much.'_  As if… _love_ is the only explanation for what I did…What does she know? Nothing. That's what.

"It's hot. We should probably just sleep on top of the sleeping bags tonight," I say, trying to dissolve the tension, but I sound angry so it doesn't help. It might even make it worse.

Katara doesn't reply. She stands there, her arms folded over her chest, her brow furrowed, her eyes faraway.

"Katara...?"

"Why?" she asks without looking at me, her expression blank and tight.

"Why what?"

"Why did you risk your life to save me?" she clarifies, her eyes slowing rising to mate with mine. "I don't think I ever... _really_  grasped what you did for me until just now. You didn't just save my life… You almost  _sacrificed_ yourself in order to do it. You could have died… Why?"

I don't have an answer, so I just gawk at her.

"Why would you do that for me? I was cruel to you. I… _threatened_  you."

"I deserved it." I shrug a shoulder.

"But why would you do that for someone that—"

"I never would have forgiven myself if something had happened to you," I admit.

Tears fill her eyes, but she looks frustrated, almost angry. "I don't understand… Do I mean that much to you..?"

My eyes fall to the ground by her feet. "It wasn't really a conscious decision. It wasn't like I really had time to think about it. It was just happening. Some unknown force was propelling me forward…"

She closes the gap between us and places her hand over the mark that now mars my chest and will likely mar it for the rest of my life.

My heartbeat quickens under her touch. I can hear it in my ears, hammering against the skin beneath her hand.

We are both thinking it. Is there some implication to what I did? I threw myself at death to save her, to make sure she wasn't harmed. I knew it would probably kill me. In fact, as I lied there writhing in the most pain I'd ever experienced, knowing my insides were sizzling to bits, I had been quite sure that I  _would_ die. But it hadn't mattered. All that had mattered to me was Katara and her safety.

Tears roll down her cheeks, and she presses her forehead to my sternum. As she cries, she gently hits my chest in frustration with small, balled fists.

I let her. It doesn't hurt.

When she stops hitting me, she wraps her arms around me and sobs into my chest, clinging to me as if I am the last person in the four nations.

I suddenly feel like I don't know myself or my own feelings. What do I feel? Why have I continually gone out of my way to gain the waterbender's approval, her forgiveness, and why did I  _really_  jumped in front of Azula's lightning for her? Did I do it for Aang? Because I knew she was a better person than I would ever be? Was it because I didn't want to watch her die? Was I saving my own hide? Did I feel obligated? Or, most frightening of all, was it something deeper?

No. What I feel for Katara is  _nothing_  like what I felt for Mai. This is different, but my arms still wind around her shoulders, and I rest my head on top of hers, holding her close, closer than I've ever dared hold her before.

We are toying with fire. I shouldn't be getting this close to her. I keep crossing lines. I feel as if I am standing at some precipice, deciding whether or not I want to jump off or turn back. I also feel like I am already halfway down.

She's warm. She smells good. She feels good against me. Her hair is soft, full of the orchids, rain, and lilac. I want her even closer in spite of myself. I ache for more of her to fill this painful void in me. It's like my body knows she is a healer, that she has the ability to take all that hurt away. After all, she's done so before.

She trembles, shuddering with repressed sobs. I run my hand up and down her back. I even try running my fingers through her hair in a vain attempt to sooth her. I watch with vacant eyes as my pale fingers aimlessly glide through her thick curls. I doubt she even knows why she's crying. That's okay. I have no idea what I'm doing either.


	4. KATARA

Leaving the caravan was hard. I honestly didn't want to. I grew to enjoy their company and that strange way of life. I liked cooking for them. I liked watching their children. I liked treating their injuries. I liked cleaning their clothes. I even liked the cramped wagon rides Zuko detested.

I will miss them, but leaving them is a necessary evil if I want to go home.

We say our goodbyes, and Zuko and I are able to reestablish our old routine relatively easily. Still, it feels so quiet without the Earth Kingdom refugees around. It's odd without all the chatter and the rattling wagons and the crying children and the squawking ostrich-horses.

Zuko seems grateful for the quiet though. He is content with letting silence permeate the air around us for a change. Zuko isn't really one for small talk anyway - at least not lately. I've learned this about him. He is fine with stents of contented silence when I feel like I'm going to explode if it gets too quiet for too long. My other travel companions have always lacked Zuko's affinity for quiet.

We are back in the woods, we are back to scavenging for our own food and just providing for the two of us, and of course, Momo.

I've begun to wonder how long it has been since Sozin's Comet. It feels so long ago now. Everything is so different.

I can kind of judge time by the crater in Zuko's chest. It has started to heal, but it will leave a nasty scar. However, Zuko is improving, which tells me that it has been longer than I realize. He is able to do more advanced firebending forms early in the morning, something I like to observe.

Like always, he rises with the sun, and since I almost always sleep close to him, his movements wake me. But I don't have to watch to know what he is doing. I've watched him from the comfort of my sleeping bag enough to know his routine.

He starts by facing the still rising sun and meditating. Then he starts to stretch. After that, he begins doing basic firebending forms before advancing into more complicated moves. Lastly, he finishes with some actual firebending. He shoots it from his fists and his feet before moving it around him in fluid motions. He never burns anything though. The grass beneath him merely moves as if ruffled by a gentle wind.

Zuko makes firebending look effortless. I've heard that firebending has a lot to do with breathing, and Zuko makes it look as easy as breathing. He seems calm and tranquil as he bends.

I resented firebending for a long time. I loathed seeing it and even hearing it. But I grew to admire it when Zuko began teaching Aang because they made it look… _different._  They made it something graceful and majestic. However, after Sozin's Comet, I hated it again. But Zuko has once again reminded me how it can be…well...beautiful. Every time he bends without singeing a single blade of grass, he shows me how it can be something more than destruction. He looks like a god as he forces it through the tawny, early morning air, as he almost becomes fire itself beneath the slowly rising sun.

I will always hate aspects of the Fire Nation and firebending, but I can no longer hate Zuko. I can't even pretend to hate him. We have been through too much together.

We sleep together. We eat together. We bend together. We talk about nothing, and we are so used to each other that we are comfortable not talking at all. We are a constant in each other's lives all the way through the Earth Kingdom, and now we are on a cargo ship that will take us even further south.

I'm so sick of merchant ships. It feels like we've been jumping on and off them for months, but I'm almost home. Finally. I can tell by the cold and the chill in my bones, even though Zuko and I haven't gotten off the last ship we boarded.

Sometimes I think I can even _smell_  home, and it makes me anxious. I am ready the snow crunch beneath my boots, but I'm also afraid to get my hopes up. I've thought I was home before only to see that it was just another stop along the way and that we would have to sneak onto yet another ship.

Zuko seems anxious too, but his anxiety comes from a different place. At first, I don't get why, but then it occurs to me that he probably hasn't been here since he attacked our village.

He's hiding behind his cowl, practically disappearing into it.

I inch closer to him and take one of his hands in mine in silent reassurance. "I'm gonna explain the circumstances to everyone. It'll all work out."

He looks like he might roll his eyes or scoff at me. I start to scold him, but before I do, I feel the ship groan to a stop. We've reached another port.

I drop Zuko's hand, leap to my feet, and start climbing over the countless boxes of various goods we were hiding behind. It takes some maneuvering to get to the deck undetected, but Zuko and I have become masters of stealth.

Once my feet hit the cold, hard metal of the ship deck, I almost flip over the railing as I try to gain a view of what will hopefully be my home. The steel railing is so cold it burns my hands as I lean over the edge.

What I see is familiar but…different. My heart sinks as I remember that those from the north have come here to help restore our tribe. To my shock, they have done a lot in the past year and a half. Our village looks more like the northern tribe now. There are waterways and larger buildings have been erected. They aren't nearly as big or extravagant as the ones in the Northern Water Tribe but much nicer than what was here when I left. Igloos now stand where tents once slept. Even the wall protecting the village has been expanded, likely to accommodate the new structures and the new population that came from the north.

It's a lot to take in.

Zuko catches up to me and stands in silence as he too digests the obvious changes.

We crouch behind some of the nearby boxes of supplies until the ship begins to leave the port. The ship belches black smoke, and Zuko tugs at my arm, forcing me to tear my eyes away from the village. A bit clumsily, I regain the will to move. Seconds later we are jumping the railing and leaping off the side of the ship.

Zuko collides with the snow first then I land on top of him.

"Oof!" he cries as I plop onto his lower abdomen. He jerks upward from the force, and his head pops against my skull.

We both reel from the contact. That jump was a lot higher than I thought it would be…

"Get. Off!" Zuko groans, writhing in pain under me.

Still rubbing my head, I manage to roll off of him and into the snow.

My breath catches in my throat at the familiar chill of snow kissing my bare palms and face. I take a handful of icy shards in each hand and squeeze. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, basking in it.

_Home. I'm really home._

I cast my attention back to Zuko who has managed to get onto his hands and knees.

I place a hand on his back as Momo perches himself on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he mumbles as he slowly gets back to his feet. He's still holding his lower abdomen though.

I pull the hood of my cowl back so I don't look as much like an intruder. I lost my old winter clothes when Appa was stolen, so the closest thing Zuko and I have to winter wear is the cowls and shawls we wore when we went to find Yon Rah. I'm wearing them over my normal clothes, but the black is still suspicious. Everyone else is either in blue or purple.

Now that we are a bit closer, home looks more like home, not the home I left but the one from my childhood…before Mom died.

An unknown force pushes me forward. This place has a gravitational pull.

I walk the new pathways, still trying to process that this is really the home I left behind as I make my way to where Gran Gran's tent used to be. There isn't a tent here anymore but there is an igloo.

_Pakku probably made it for her, for them..._

I hesitate, still a bit unsure if this is actually where Gran Gran still resides. And I'm not bold enough to pull back the flaps blocking the entrance. I almost feel like a stranger here.

"You okay?" Zuko asks.

Before I can answer, Gran Gran emerges from inside the igloo, her arms full of furs. For a moment, she looks at me as if I'm a ghost or some figment of her imagination, and I do the same.

I stand there slack jawed until she drops the furs and holds her arms out for me.

The instant I find Gran Gran's arms, I fall apart again. I burst into tears, holding her tightly and whispering how much I missed her.

I'm so pathetic. I am a shadow of my former self. I can hardly believe what I've been reduced to. I am this broken, shell of a person who cries constantly. I'm like the version of me in that stupid Ember Island Players play, except worse. At least she wasn't so dependent on the company of others, specifically Zuko.

Once I manage to reel in my emotions, she leads me into her new home. I sit on the nearest cushion in the living space, and she sits next to me. Silently, she takes my hands in hers, and I can't hold it in anymore. I start pouring my heart out to her, sparing no details. It's like reliving everything all over again, but after I finish, I feel better. It was as if talking to her yet another part of the grueling healing process.

I'm still sniveling even after I've said all I can think to say. Gran Gran looks at me intently, absorbing everything like a sponge and doesn't speak until she is sure I'm finished. She comforts me but doesn't ask any difficult questions. She doesn't probe. I know she will eventually, but for now, she doesn't push me, and I'm very grateful for that.

_She can probably see how broken I am..._

As we sit cross-legged on her furs, I expect her to start filling me in on everything that is going on here, but I guess she thinks I've been through enough for one day. She's right but there is one more thing we have to talk about…

"Has the Fire Nation tried to take any children?" I barely muster up the courage to speak those words. I am afraid to ask. Since Gran Gran told me of the raids that occurred after the comet, I've been afraid of the answer I might get.

"Not that I'm aware of," Gran Gran replies. "Only one child was born here the day of the comet: a little girl. You remember Yanna?"

Yes. Yanna was a bit older than me. She was a nonbender, and she always wore her hair in a long, loose braid over her right shoulder. She was kind of quiet but a useful member of our broken, little tribe. She wasn't afraid of getting her hands dirty or helping with the children.

"So the baby's Yanna's? I didn't know she was married."

"She isn't," Gran Gran interrupts, and I catch her slight disdain. She has always been understanding and supportive, but she is still from the tribes, and we are kind of known for our conservative ways. You are supposed to wait until you're married before you bed a man. That's what we've always been taught. I'm not naïve enough to think that everyone does. I know that a lot of girls have sex before they're married…those girls usually aren't from the South Pole though.

"So…" I probe, the inner gossip in me leaning forward and hoping to get more juice.

"No one knows who the father is. The baby is kind of pale. Some villagers have even suggested she might be half Fire Nation." Gran Gran shrugs. "And Yanna refuses to tell, but it is her right. She doesn't have to explain herself to anyone."

I start to doubt this child will be our next Avatar. Granted, we'd have no way of knowing that for a fact until she is older. But I find it hard to believe a nonbender and possibly a firebender could produce the next Avatar. Odds are the child would be a nonbender or maybe a firebender if the father were indeed Fire Nation.

"Does she still live with her mother?" I ask as I watch Momo sniff the edge of Gran Gran's rug before crawling under it like he's a badgermole.

"No. Yanna has her own tent now."

I don't think I have the strength or the willpower to see the baby any time soon, but I resolve to at least speak to Yanna...eventually.

"You can stay here for the night. We'll figure out more permanent living arrangements later." Gran Gran rises to her feet. I know this her way of ending this conversation and telling me that all of this can wait. She wants me to rest. I also know that her statement about  _living arrangements_  is mainly meant for Zuko.

I'll probably continue to stay here with Gran Gran, but at some point, Zuko will have to go somewhere else, perhaps a tent or igloo of his own. I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead, and I don't know how long he plans to stay here. But I do know it could get messy even if I explain the circumstances. Zuko is still Ozai's son.

I exit the tent to see Zuko waiting outside in the bright, moon-kissed snow, his breath visible and his eyes weary. His head lifts at the sight of me, and he stumbles to his feet.

"I've explained everything. She says we can stay with her tonight and figure out the rest later."

Zuko nods, and even beneath the hood I can see the relief in his features. Still, when I lead him into the igloo, he is reluctant. He stays close to me, and for a moment, I thought he might even take hold of my hand.

Gran Gran prepares a large meal for us, and once we are filled to the brim, she starts fixing bedrolls. I'm not really sure if I can sleep though. I'm still worked up and running on the adrenaline of being home. But I can tell Gran Gran is tired, and we could all probably benefit from a fresh start, so I relent.

Gran Gran goes to her cot in the other, more isolated section of her igloo. This  _'room'_ (if it could even be considered that) is also where I'll be attempting to sleep. Zuko, of course, will be in the kitchen/living area as far away from us as possible without having him outside. I doubt he'll complain because he does get to be by the fire.

I lie down, my body insisting that I am tired, but my mind insists otherwise. I toss and turn for what feels like hours, my mind churning away with all kinds of things. I think about Sokka, Suki, and Toph. I think about the village. I think about the Earth Kingdom. I think about the Phoenix King. I think about the new Avatar...and I think about Aang...

Eventually, I can take no more of the ruthless churning, and I get up.

I ease into the other section of the igloo and see Zuko on his back, staring at the ceiling with his hands folded over his stomach.

"Can't sleep?" he asks softly, his head turning in my direction.

"No." I kneel between him and the fireplace. "My thoughts are too loud."

I don't know what I'm expecting. I don't know why I ended up here, but I'm staring down at him like he is about to do some kind of magic trick that will put my thoughts to rest, that will fix me.

The next thing I know, I'm in the bedroll with him. There isn't much room. I'm practically on top of him…but I don't care.

Sometimes I worry that I'm not well. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I lost my mind back in the Fire Nation.

As I willingly lie next to Zuko and lazily draw circles on the ridged plains of his chest, I often think that I've gone mad. It's the only explanation for my behavior. Why else would I willingly curl up next to the man who once terrorized us so feverishly? Why else would I seek out his embrace when my grief threatens to swallow me whole?

But another part of me insists that that kind of thinking is unfair and shallow. After all, there is much more to Zuko. He is the man who taught Aang firebending and saved my life. He is my friend although our relationship has definitely changed since he jumped in front of that lightening for me. We are closer. Our bond is stronger, more intense. It's intense to the point that I sometimes feel the connection when our eyes meet or when I get too close to him.

I rest my ear over his heart and listen to the steady, heavy beating. His head is resting on top of mine, and his hand cradles the nape of my neck, the space between his fingers filled with my hair. His warmth blankets me until I am all tingly, numb and warm with the sensation of safety.

However, the numbness begins to peels away. I can feel again. I feel his touch, and I smell the cinnamon and spice on his skin. I'm suddenly feeling too much. I'm overdosing on him. I want the warmth. I want the comfort. I like his heat. I like his smell. I like the essence of him because it tethers me to what's left of my sanity.

Our time like this is something that I have grown to look forward to. I realize that part of the reason I couldn't sleep is because of him. I have gotten use to him, specifically sleeping with him.

I tense against him with this realization.

No. I'm too close. I'll have to break this habit. Now that I'm home, there is no reason for me to continue this behavior. I'm home. I have Gran Gran. We aren't alone anymore. I don't need him like I did before we arrived here. It's time to buck up. No more using Zuko as a crutch.

_Remember who you are, Katara._

As I lie thinking all of these things, I get closer to him, nestling closer to the crook of his neck and molding my body to his. My movements coax a small yet deep groan out of him that sends a strange, foreign chill from the back of my neck and down my legs to all of my toes. The sound vibrates through me...and I don't hate it.

_One more night… One more night won't hurt anyone._

* * *

I haven't been home long, but I can already feel it starting to heal me. I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed home until I got here. However, home isn't the home I recall. The northern tribe has been here a while now, and they have done a lot for our little village in a short amount of time.

I am briefly shell-shocked by the change. I am numb for a while as I try to process everything that everyone is telling me. Overall, everything is better than it was when I left, so I can't be too upset. It is a change for the better.

Some of those who left for the war have returned, but a lot of individuals from the northern tribe have settled here too. All of them have different reasons for staying. Some want to escape, others want some new purpose in life, and others just want to help.

Zuko says we should be cautious of how much _'restoring'_ we do because it will not go unnoticed. If our walls grow too high or if our numbers grow large enough to be considered a threat, Ozai will come to strike us down.

Zuko's words ring true, so I am weary of some of our additions. I've been told that there have already been raids to keep the south in check. While traveling the Earth Kingdom, Zuko and I saw how every city and town was slowly turning into occupied territory like the village where Haru lived. They are all taxed and Firebenders are everywhere, watching and waiting for someone to bend so they might have an excuse to put them away.

It isn't that bad here…yet. But negotiations have already been made. The raids decreased but under the agreement that the Fire Nation raiders had access to the tribe whenever they saw fit. Weapons and supplies are limited to the bare minimum so that the tribe can hunt, fish, and gather supplies. And waterbending is forbidden aside from healing, but of course, bending is still used on hunting trips and for basic tasks. How else would we scavenge the goods they are plundering from us?

It's clear that the Phoenix King doesn't find the south much of a threat at this point. That's the only reason I see that he would leave the South Pole unoccupied. I am the last waterbender, and I know that once Ozai finds the new Avatar, he will have little interest left in the South Pole. His sights will be set on the north where there are more waterbenders. No doubt he will continue to order the occasional raid and check up as he utilizes our exports but he has much bigger fish to fry.

I can't keep from thinking of Zuko.

According to the wanted posters we've seen, Zuko is worth… _a lot._  Apparently, with Aang gone, the Phoenix King now sees Zuko as the greatest threat to the Fire Nation. And he is probably right.

The new Avatar is just a baby. It won't be a threat to him for many years yet but Zuko… Zuko is a different kind of threat. Zuko is the one who could challenge his place on the throne and will likely take it out from under him one day. And people will probably follow Zuko simply because he  _isn't_ Ozai. A lot of people hated Ozai enough to love Zuko.

Zuko has power he probably isn't even aware of, power he can't really utilize at the moment, but one day, it will mature and could possibly help bring the Phoenix King to his knees.

However, not everyone shares my views of Zuko.

At first, everyone was too afraid to approach the subject of Zuko. Maybe they were hoping he would go away, but once they see he isn't in a hurry to leave, there are questions, and I answer them as honestly and effectively as I can. As expected, people aren't happy. The elders from up north say that Zuko is dangerous; a two-headed rat viper. Others say he is a liability and that him being here will get all of us killed, that even if he is as harmless as I claim he is, harboring him here still endangers us. They are probably right, but I can't bring myself to care. Zuko is my friend and I want him here. I am not ready to be without him and I practically say as much. I take responsibility and basically say that we are a packaged deal…for now.

The elders relent, albeit reluctantly. Tarrack - the man from the northern tribe who took on the role of chief in my family's absence - is surprisingly reasonable about the whole thing. He listened to me intently, empathized, but still said that if a raid comes or if Zuko shows any sign of aggression, they'll have no choice but to turn him over to the Phoenix King.

I'm not worried about Zuko's aggression, but the raids will pose a problem. I don't know what we will do if (or perhaps when) the raiders come for exports.

After my talk with the elders, Gran Gran and I decide to put Zuko in some of Sokka's old furs.

The black he wears makes him stick out like even more of a sore thumb. I hope putting him in water tribe attire will ease the transition. Maybe it will make the tribe more accepting. I know the elders are right about the danger Zuko poses…but I just can't bring myself to care.

"They smell funny," Zuko murmurs as he tugs at the white fur around his neck.

"They're Sokka's." I straighten his blue hood and try to pat out the wrinkles. "What did you expect?"

Zuko wrinkles his nose at the layers and maybe even the colors but wears them nonetheless.

"Want a wolf tail?" I tease.

His nose wrinkles again as he narrows his eyes at me.

"Okay. We'll work our way up to a wolf tail." I smile as I place my hands on my hips and inspect him. He actually doesn't look that bad in blue. It isn't as flattering as his reds and gold but not bad. At a distance, he might even pass for a tribesman.

Zuko sighs and rather reluctantly makes his way out of the igloo. He acts as if he is being thrown to the wolves. Maybe he is, but I am prepared to act as his shield if I need to. I won't let anything happen to Zuko. I won't fail him like I failed so many others. Despite everything that has happened, I still can't bring myself to turn my back on those who need me, and I can't shake the feeling that Zuko needs me.

* * *

Re-immersing myself into this world takes more effort and energy than I thought it would. I don't know if it is because the village has changed or because  _I've_  changed. It is probably some odd combination of both, but regardless of the reason, I struggle. I can't help but feeling like I'm not as efficient as I use to be. I haven't forgotten how to cook or sew or skin animals or fish, but I still have to reteach myself each craft. My bending has improved over the past year, but my other skills have dulled as a result. Everyone is patient with me though, especially Gran Gran.

I help around the village as much as I can. I offer my healing abilities. I tend to the sick and the elderly. I even go on hunting and fishing trips since there still aren't many waterbenders around. I do a little of everything, but I still can't bring myself to see the potential Avatar.

I know where she is. I've walked up to the tent where she lives with her mother, Yanna, but I never go in. I never speak. I stand there awkwardly until my throat threatens to swell shut then I leave shaking and trying to catch my breath, holding my sides so I literally won't fall apart at the seams.

It still feels like betraying Aang, like letting him go...and I can't let him go. I'm in denial. There is so much that I still refuse to accept, and it all stems from the fact that I just _knew_  Aang was going to save the world. And the fact that he failed just can't be true.

_But it is._

I'm pulled from the darkness leaking from my mind by the sight of Zuko approaching Gran Gran and me. He is carrying a basket that should be brimming with fish...but it isn't. Silently, he pours the contents in front of us, emptying a few scrawny fish onto Gran Gran's mat.

Momo pokes at the fish and sniffs them, but even he doesn't see them as edible.

The men he went on the fishing excursion with snicker, and Zuko's jaw tightens, but he says nothing. He doesn't have to. Instead he plops down in the snow next to me and starts sulking, yanking off his gloves angrily. I'm honestly surprised he didn't burn them off.

Oddly enough, one of the first things that truly amused me after Aang died was seeing Zuko attempt to take on the life of a tribesman. Zuko is a fish out of water or perhaps a coal out of fire? He looks at snow like he doesn't understand it, grabbing fistfuls of it only to melt it in his palm and repeat the process. He leaves handprints in it by melting it around his hands, and sometimes he will burn holes in it.

It is fascinating to watch him, and sometimes, I even find myself smiling as I watch him. Strange how this is one of few things that offers me fragments of joy.

My delight comes at his expense, and he notices. I feel his gaze burning holes into me. He's glaring at me, but I politely gather his tiny fishes and put them back in the basket instead of tossing them out like I should.

"Thank you for the fish, Zuko," I say with a simper.

He snorts and folds his arms over his chest.

Zuko does his best to help out around the village. He tries to prove his worth, but he is struggling. He has a lot to learn and still sticks pretty close to me. We continue to do things together. I teach him basic everyday activities, and he seems eager to learn. I've noticed that he likes monotonous tasks that have the ability to absorb all of his attention.

I know that he is trying to escape because I long to escape too.

Despite how our way of life is a constant challenge for him, Zuko seems to like learning our culture, something that I find encouraging. Someday, if Zuko can find his way back to the Fire Nation throne, it will be good to know that he has experienced life here. Maybe that will help him keep an open mind and make him a better leader.

I am gaining faith in Zuko. My hopes have been dashed so much that I am afraid to say that I have  _hope._  But for now, faith is enough.

I take Zuko's fish inside, and once they've been properly stored, Zuko and I go for a walk.

Since things are still a bit odd around the village, Zuko and I often wander into the tundra together once the sun starts to set.

Ever since we started this journey, our evenings together have become my favorite part of the day. During the day, we traveled and did the necessary tasks, but once the sun started to fall, Zuko would start to unwind then we would kind of just…float. We'd eat, train and bend, then sit around or find an area with a nice view to enjoy before we went to sleep. I am relieved when we continue this tradition here. It makes the transition easier even though I still struggle sleeping without him. But he doesn't need to know that.

Tonight we've found a nice rock ledge near the ocean where we can watch the sunset. It's a little high for me, but Zuko offers me his hand and helps me up. I could easily get up on my own, but I accept the help anyway, something I was once too stubborn and resentful to do.

As I wrap my fingers around his hand, I notice I don't even hesitate when accepting his offering. Touching Zuko is no longer something I try to avoid like plague. I doubt I will ever get use to his warmth though. The unnatural heat in his touch almost always gives me goosebumps or makes me shiver. I just pray to Tui and La he doesn't notice.

"This kind of reminds me of a view we have back home. It's nothing like this of course, but there are lots of bluffs, crags, and rock formations with amazing views. Mai and I used to go places like this when we wanted to escape the palace for a while…" He lifts his legs to his chest and folds his arms over his knees.

"Do you miss her?" I hadn't meant to say it. I was thinking it, but my mouth decided to betray me.

Zuko is clearly a bit taken aback by my question. He stares at the blue skyline and the orange expanse stretching out beyond it and mulls it over before finally answering.

"Yeah. I do. But probably not as much as I should."

My brow furrows. "What do you mean?"

Zuko and I have started having conversations like these, conversations that are strangely intimate. I've learned so much about him. I've learned things I didn't necessarily  _want_  to know, things I never dreamed of knowing. But they intrigue me all the same.

He sighs, and I can tell he isn't a fan of the topic I've chosen. If I'm honest, I'm not comfortable with it either. It makes me feel weird even though I'm curious.

"I owe her a lot, and I wish that I could say that thoughts of her are always with me, but they aren't. When I do think of her, I do miss her, but…it's complicated."

I find myself longing to know what he means. I want to crack open his skull and understand the enigma that swirls around inside. He is the most ridiculously complex person I've ever met, and I find myself treating his complexity like a game, like a puzzle to be solved. Maybe it is another way I try to distract myself from the real issues buried in my heart and underneath the soot of our broken world.

"Do you love her?" I blurt out and regret it almost instantly, but I can't take it back. It's out there.

Zuko flinches and takes a deep breath. "No. I don't think I do. I care about her a lot. She reminds me of happier times in my life. I think I associated her with the life I always wanted, the life I thought I wanted for so long." He scoffs. "Now I think I've been in love with something that doesn't really exist."

That pain is back, that abundant pain inside of him that becomes so great that it is obvious. It creeps into the wrinkles and creases in his face, and I long to take it away. I can't help myself.

Subconsciously, I inch closer to him.

"Then I feel guilty about it and wish that I didn't feel that way because it isn't fair to her. I mean, she's in prison now because of me…" His expression is blank and unreadable, his eyes faraway.

I listen intently, both intrigued and genuinely interested in what he is saying to me. I don't think he's ever opened up this much, and I feel accomplished. There is a weird sense of pride brewing inside me at the thought of mastering yet another of Zuko's layers. The healer in me insists this is a good thing and that it will help me get rid of all that pain in him.

"Sorry. I'm talking too much." He shakes his head, snapping out of it.

"I don't mind," I reply honestly. "And it's probably good for you to let some of this out. I know you've been holding a lot in."

He nods but grows quiet. I can tell that he's done. He's going to close himself off again, and that's fine.

"Speaking of holding a lot in-" he clears his throat "-are we going to talk about the potential Avatar?"

Now it is my turn to be uncomfortable. I shift on the ground and look away. My emotions are threatening to shut down, the darkness in my mind trying to manifest behind me like some beast bent on destroying the little light left inside me.

"I know where the baby is…" I murmur.

"And?" He's leaning toward me, but I continue to avoid eye contact.

"I'm not ready."

Zuko sighs and pulls away. "Yeah. Me neither."

I peek at him from the corner of my eye, knowing we both have _very_  different reasons for not wanting to see this baby. But at the same time, I also think we have similar reasons. We aren't as different as I once thought.

We watch the sunset until the world goes dark and the blue and green southern lights take the sun's place in the sky. The swirls dance through the sky, weaving through the flickering stars like ethereal snakes. I forgot how beautiful night is here.

I expect Zuko to get up and leave, but he seems as enamored by the view as I am. When he finally does move, I have no idea how late it is or how much time has passed. We've been out here a while though, and I sober enough notice that it is getting really dark and too cold for even me.

Zuko jumps off the ledge and holds his hand out for me again.

I almost refuse. I can get down without it. I don't need it. But I take the offering anyway. I slide down and grab his shoulders to balance myself on the steep terrain. His hands find my waist and take hold like purple pentapus.

I look down briefly to make sure my boots connect with the snow beneath us, and when I look up, I realize how close I am to him.

My face burns as I tentatively look up at him, our breath – which is now visible due to the intense cold – mingling together. My hands tighten against the blue fabric covering his shoulders even though my instinct is to pull away.

His eyes are glowing again, but they are a darker gold than normal. They are the rich gold of fire whiskey. His eyes change color, and sometimes I swear they change depending on his mood, but I still don't know what the various colors mean.

I'm suddenly light headed. I don't get why.

Taken aback, I practically stumble backwards as I pull away, and he lets go of me.

_What's gotten into me? I must not be used to the atmosphere here…or something._

We walk back to Gran Gran's, and when we get inside, we see that she has already made dinner for us. She has even tried to make some semblance of a meal out of Zuko's tiny fish.

When Zuko sees his fish among the other entrees for the night, I notice his eyes glow with life and pride. His mouth curves into what could almost be considered a smile. I catch myself beaming at him, but then I catch Gran Gran looking at me.

My posture droops as shame and embarrassment wash over me.

Gran Gran has been surprisingly understanding and accepting of our… _guest_. Once I explained our situation, I would almost call her grateful. She has continually thanked Zuko for looking after me and making sure I got home. I think she sees how I want him here and accepts him simply because I care about him. I'm glad they were able to work out their…differences, but I still see uncertainty and uneasiness in her wise eyes. She watches us with almost knowing eyes, but I don't know what she knows or what she thinks she sees.

We have a nice, peaceful meal together, and like always, Zuko goes to bed early without the sun to fuel him. Momo goes with him, but I decide to stay up with Gran Gran.

"Katara…" Gran Gran takes my hand and gently urges me to sit next to her on some of her nicest furs. "I'd like to talk to you for a moment."

"Of course." I sit.

"About the Fire Prince…"

I pale, and my ears and neck start to burn.

"I understand that the two of you have been through a lot together. I see how you rely on each other, and I am glad he's been with you through this difficult time in your life. Trust and companionship are important. With things the way they are, we need all the allies we can get."

Anxiously, I wait for her  _but_ and try not to squirm too much.

She gives me a sad smile. "I've seen how you look at him, my little waterbender."

I try to reel in my emotions and my reaction. "He's my friend, Gran Gran."

"Just…be careful," she whispers, giving my hands a squeeze.

I want her to elaborate, but she says nothing else on the matter. She leaves me alone with her words and my thoughts.

I tidy up her living quarters and eventually try to get some sleep, only to fail. Yet again, my thoughts are too loud. I end up pacing the floor of Gran Gran's igloo, the flooring cool against my bare feet, the furs wedging between my toes as I move.

As quietly as I can, I ease up to the spot where Zuko sleeps and place another small blanket over him and Momo since it is exceptionally cold tonight, and Zuko isn't wearing a shirt.

Momo's ears perk, and I hold a finger to my lips to shush him. Luckily, Momo gets the message and goes back to sleep on Zuko.

I move to go back to my bedroll, but I end up staring at the Fire Prince. I just hope that he can't feel my gaze boring into him.

He's on his side, his long black hair covering most of his eyes and face. I gently brush it away and try to understand the connection we have. I stare at him as if staring enough will give me answers. It doesn't. If anything, it confuses me more. All I can think about is how peaceful and innocent...and  _handsome_  he looks when he's asleep.

Yes. I've been insisting that Zuko isn't a threat. And I guess he isn't – at least not in the traditional sense. Gran Gran was implying that he is a different kind of threat now…and I'm the one that's in danger.


	5. KATARA

My footsteps are heavy. The snow feels more like thick tar than snow. I'm scared. I know I'm still not ready to see the baby, the baby that could be the next Avatar but this morning, I resolved to try. But trying is harder than it used to be. A lot harder.

Luck, however, is on my side. Yanna is sitting outside of her tent doing some sewing and there is no baby in sight. It is probably in her tent, which means I'm in the clear and that I can do this gradually.

After everything that's happened, I've learned that I have to ingest things little by little. If I take in too much, if I confront too much at once, I shut down and I'm trying not to do that anymore. I'm failing but I'm trying.

Yanna's pale blue eyes find mine, and she smiles warmly at me.

Her dark brown hair is longer but she still wears it in a braid that falls over her right shoulder. Her features are less rounded than I remember. Some of her youth has been drained away and her features are more angular and less childlike as a result but she is still cute. Her beauty is subtle.

"Katara." She rises to her feet and hugs me briefly. "It's good to see you. I'm glad you're okay. Sokka… Is he…?"

I nod. "He's fine aside from a broken leg. He had some other business to attend to up north but he'll hopefully be back soon. I wish he could see what everyone's done for the village."

"It's definitely different." Yanna's expression goes solemn as her eyes meet mine. "Katara, I'm sorry about…everything. I'm glad you're home. I just wish the circumstances were different."

"Yeah. Me too…" I wrap my arms around myself, a pitiful imitation of a hug, my vain attempt to hold myself together.

"So I hear you're a mother now. Congratulations!" I beam, eager to change the subject. I can't talk about Dad (how there is still no trace of him) or Aang. I can't go back. It hurts too much. I'll lose the little composure I've managed to regain.

She smiles and it reaches her eyes. "Thank you. She's asleep now but I'd love for you to see her."

"I'd like that too." I try to smile back but I fail. My heart is too heavy. "Can I ask you a kind of…serious question?"

I watch Yanna tense but she doesn't get defensive. "Sure."

"There have been raids here, right? Since the baby was born?"

A nod.

"Did any of the firebenders…? Has anyone tried to take her from you?"

Yanna sits and tries to resume her sewing. "I've tried to be careful. Of course they come and poke around. It was worse right after the comet, before any negotiations happened."

"If there's anything we can do to help, just let me know. We still feel linked to the Avatar. I still feel that it's still my responsibility… I guess I'm saying that I'm here to help in any way that I can, even if she isn't the Avatar."

Yanna smiles warmly again. "Thank you, Katara."

She asks me to join her and I do, reluctantly. I stay, helping her sew the animal skins together and telling her stories about my journey while she fills me in on some of what I've missed over the past year. We talk for what feels like hours until the baby cries. After that, I politely excuse myself.

* * *

"I've never lived in a Water Tribe igloo before…"

We've offered Zuko his own igloo. With all the expansion, there are plenty to go around. One is even pretty close to Gran Gran and me so we decided to snatch it for Zuko before someone else took it.

He seems uncertain of the accommodations at first. He wanders the space like he isn't sure what to make of it or what to do with it.

I fold my arms over my chest. "I'm sorry if our accommodations don't meet your ridiculously high standards,  _Your Majesty."_

Zuko scoffs at me. "That's not what I meant. I'm just saying that this is a first. It's better than our tent in the Earth Kingdom and much better than some of the leaky the caves Uncle and I stayed in when we were fugitives."

"But not as nice as your palace," I finish for him because it's true. I know for a fact because I stayed in that massive palace with him after we defeated Azula, while we were still waiting to hear from Aang.

"No, but I like it." He shifts from foot to foot and rubs nervously at the back of his neck. "Will you visit?"

I'm taken back by how surprisingly intimate that innocent question is but I manage to recover.

"Of course. Someone has to cook for you." I say casually but as I watch Momo curl up on Zuko's bedroll, I can't keep from thinking about sleeping next to Zuko and how much I miss doing so.

His eyes are low but I think he is smiling. "Thanks, Katara."

"You're welcome." I sit next to Momo and rub him behind the ears. "And you can stay here as long as you want."

Honestly, I don't know what Zuko's plans are. I haven't asked and I am kind of afraid to know. I am still uncomfortable with the thought of being without him. I'll admit that I like him being here and that a part of me is still reliant on him. There is a broken part of me that still needs him.

Running a hand down his face, he nods. There is a little stubble on his face. He looks older. He also looks weary and tired but that isn't new. I've grown use to him looking this way.

Something in Zuko has changed. Some of his fire has fizzled out. His temper rarely makes an appearance anymore and when it does, it is nothing like it used to be. I don't know if it is the fact that he doesn't have the energy or if it is the fact that he has lost a piece of himself.

I am tempted to believe the latter and I am still continually assaulted by the need to heal him. I want to fix him, spark that fire back to life, to find that piece of himself that he's lost, but I don't know how. I can't even fix myself.

I stay with Zuko the rest of the day and make dinner from our latest hunting trip. Together, we managed to get a decent haul. Gran Gran gave me some fruit and vegetables to help fluff up the meal a bit and I even bring some spices since Zuko complains of our food being bland.

I try to teach him how to do some of these things himself. I try to season the food the way he likes so the meal is spicier and not as… _'bland'._

We eat together but I don't really eat. I'm kind of just playing with the food I've prepared. I lost most of my appetite earlier when I thought about how long Zuko may or may not be staying.

"I think I may try to see the baby tomorrow," I say. I'm not entirely sure why. Was it to distract him? Was I trying to distract myself?

Zuko tenses, visibly uncomfortable but takes another bite of jerky.

"At the very least I'll talk to her mother again," I continue.

He nods. "Sounds like a good idea."

"I'll break the ice then, maybe next time you can come with me? "

Zuko doesn't answer and I decide to ask again another time.

* * *

When I finally leave Zuko's igloo, the sun is a few seconds from going down. I stayed longer than I originally intended but it is pretty easy to lose track of time together so I'm not entirely surprised.

I make my way back to Gran Gran's, my eyes low and my pace quick. Apparently, I am too quick or maybe I'm not really paying attention because I bump right into someone.

Firewood flies everywhere and I kneel into the snow, trying to help pick up the mess I've made.

I'm filling my arms with firewood and apologizing without really looking at whom I've bumped into. When I do finally glance up, I realize that it's one of the young men from up north. I've seen him around before and there is always something…familiar about him but I can never really put my finger on it.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." He is avoiding eye contact with me. He is uncomfortable and my curiosity spikes further.

I squint as I hand the wood I've gathered back to him and it slowly dawns on me that he is Yue's fiancée. Or would it be ex-fiancée?

His hair – still pulled into a partial wolf tail – is longer and he has a more rugged look now. He has grown a bit taller and a little broader. He now has the beginnings of that thick, masculine build most tribesmen have but I recognize the steel blue of his eyes and his strong jawline.

"You probably don't remember me…" He smiles shyly and I see almost instantly that war has changed him. That arrogance that once seeped from his pores is gone, replaced by humility that can only be gained through loss and trials. "But we've met before. Briefly. My name is Hahn."

"You were engaged to Yue, right?" I ask and wonder how ridiculous I must look with Momo happily perched on my head.

He frowns. "Yeah. You were traveling with the Avatar, right?"

It's my turn to frown. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Me too."

I'm getting so tired of people from my past apologizing to me. I'm so tired of being treated like glass.

* * *

Days have passed since I mentioned going to see the baby to Zuko and I still haven't gone. I keep doing other things. Or I keep distracting myself with other things.

Zuko and I are in a rut. And by a rut, I mean we are in a state of permanent inaction.

We have done here what we've done everywhere else we have gone since Aang died. We learn the patterns of our surroundings, find a niche in those surroundings, and then, we don't deviate from the rhythm we obtain in those surroundings. We like routines and when we find them, we don't leave them. We are in a cycle of routines. Or is it a routine within a routine?

This rut is our way of avoiding the things we aren't capable of dealing with. And we both know if we see the potential Avatar, we will be reminded of all the things we have to do but are still unable to do. We will be forced to confront it, to talk about it.

I've grown rather fond of my denial. I find comfort in it. But I can't hold onto it forever. The haze that I've been in since the comet is dispersing, clarity is creeping in around me and as much as I don't want to see what is beneath all the fog, I can't close my eyes or turn away from it forever. Slowly but surely, reality is sinking in and it hurts. It hurts a lot more than my denial does.

This morning I made the decision to take my old boat out and go fishing. Alone.

I thought it would probably be good for me. I even thought it might jar me out of my state of perpetual inactivity. Deep down I know that I can't help anyone if I continue going through life this way.

I have to snap out of it. Somehow.

As I drifted out and tried to find a good fishing spot, all I can think about is Sokka and Dad and even Aang. I am too close to our old stalking grounds. I am close to where we first found Aang. I feel alone and that unbearable emptiness is back but at the same time, I also feel overwhelmed by everything around me, by how much has changed in such a short amount of time.

Deciding this was a mistake and realizing that I am about to have some sort of episode or come apart, I start to head back.

_I shouldn't have come out here alone. I should have at least brought Momo with me._

But then, I think that I need to face this. I have to stop running.

I start paddling again and eventually make it about as close to the spot where we found Aang as possible but now that I'm here, I'm not sure what I was hoping to get out of this. Did I want closure? Did I want to say goodbye? I don't know…

Whatever the reason, I keep urging myself forward. I keep paddling until I get stuck between two giant slabs of ice. I try bending the water and somehow manage to get myself even more stuck.

Frustrated and angry with myself, I stand and start pushing at the edge of the glacier with my paddle. I consider bending the ice itself but with the way my boat is trapped, I think I may end up crushing it, so I continue hacking away at the iceberg with my paddle and the knife I brought with me.

The ice begins to chip away after what feels like half an hour of kicking and punching, hitting and stabbing (and even some screaming). There is finally some give and my boat starts to bob against the water again. I put my hands on the floating chunk of ice and use it to finally push free, but something stops me.

I hesitate, suddenly looking for Appa and Aang sleeping inside the iceberg beneath my palms.

But they aren't there…and I know they aren't. Aang is cold and submerged somewhere but not here… He is somewhere beyond my reach. Gone. Gone like Mom and probably Dad too… Gone like the Earth Kingdom. Gone like our last hope for peace. Gone like so many other good things…

I know all this but when the ripples in the water settle, I think I can see him in the water, in the iceberg, an ethereal glow radiating around him. He is smiling and reaching for me and unthinking, I reach back.

Something inside me snaps and I am ready to break the iceberg apart just like I did the very first time I saw him. Instead this time I'm willing to rip it apart with my bare hands if I have to.

 _He needs me,_ my mind cries.  _I have to get him out…_

The boat flips. I fall. I'm submerged and there is nothing but the comforting hum of my element in my ears.

It's cold and there is the sharp prick of a thousand needles all over my body but the cold eventually becomes a tingly numbness. I can't feel the darkness or the pain or the emptiness anymore and I think this might be a mercy.

I open my eyes and I see Aang in the water with me, looking at me with sad almost disappointed eyes. I reach for him again but this time, he shakes his head.

I'm confused and hurt but I keep trying to get to him. I'm swimming at this point, trying my hardest to reach him, going deeper and deeper, using everything I have to tear away at the veil between life and death.

The water grows thick like jelly and it's like I can't move. He is right there but I can't get any closer. My arms flail and my legs kick. I even try bending but nothing works. I'm frozen in place by some otherworldly force.

I realize he is telling me to stay. He doesn't want me to get to him. He doesn't want me to waste energy on an impossible task, to ignore what remains, what is currently more important. He doesn't want me to lose sight of myself, to drown both figuratively and literally while I search in vain for the past and all that has been lost to me forever.

_He doesn't need me… Not anymore…_

He smiles, knowing that I understand.

_**Goodbye, Katara…** _

The last of my strength leaves me as those words sink in. They hurt but they give me a strange sense of peace. I wanted so badly to say goodbye…

_Goodbye, Aang…_

My lungs burn for air but all I can do is close my eyes and just…float.

" _Katara!"_

I hear someone calling my name. The voice is familiar but it doesn't belong to Aang. It isn't in my head. It is faint and faraway.

" _Katara…!"_

I start coughing, the icy water leaving my lungs. It hurts a lot more coming out than it did coming in.

Warmth touches my face and I kind of want to lean into it.

" _Katara! Please!"_

My eyes open and my vision is filled with blinding white but when the white dissolves, I see Zuko staring down at me. He is wet. Water drips from his hair and slips down the regal slopes of his face. He looks terrified.

"Katara?! Katara, are you okay?" He holds my face and shakes me. "Breathe!"

I cough more but I can't speak. I am still kind of numb and disoriented.

He sees me breathing then, he pulls me to him and presses his forehead to mine.

His hand desperately grips the back of my neck as he holds me to him. I gasp and the first thing I'm able to do is touch his neck. I feel his hair and the familiar warmth of his skin. Like always, I want to burrow my way inside him and make a cocoon out of that magnificent heat. It is one of the last true comforts left in my shattered world…

Zuko pulls away to look down at me and I stroke his face. Why? I have no idea. I just don't want to see him hurt. I don't want him sad. On some level, I realize what I've done and I feel guilty for worrying him, for causing the pain that tortures him now.

"Aang…" I whisper, trying to explain but I think I'm delirious. "I saw Aang… I …found him…"

The look Zuko gives me is the look I saw my dad give a wounded polar-bear dog once. It was hurt, dying but still trying to crawl away, still trying to survive, oblivious to its own suffering, that it needed to be put out of its misery.

I might be crying. "Do you think I'm broken…?"

He shakes his head and squeezes me, wrapping me in more heat. "No."

His voice is so sincere and his eyes are so soft that I believe him. Zuko doesn't think I'm broken… He isn't like the others and there is a unnatural comfort in that.

Zuko holds me amidst the snow a bit longer before finally lifting me and cradling me to his chest.

I don't know where he is taking me but for some reason, it doesn't matter.

* * *

I'm wrapped in blankets and Gran Gran has put yet another hot beverage in my hands. I don't drink it though. She's been filling me with all kinds of hot drinks and I may bust if I drink anymore so I just hold the cup, enjoying the heat against my hands.

Zuko sits far away from me on the other side of the igloo but watches me with concerned eyes.

Gran Gran had given him a blanket too but he discarded it a while back. I can only assume that he is using his own heat to stay warm now and the blanket is probably a bit much.

For the first time in my life, I'm jealous of a firebender. I'd give anything to be able regulate my temperature that much right about now.

"I know you aren't use to being here, Katara, but you have to be more careful. You know how treacherous the tundra can be in the winter," Gran Gran chastises lightly as she wraps me in more blankets.

"I'll be more careful from now on. I promise." I offer a reassuring smile.

She sighs and slowly straightens her posture. "I'm going to make some stew, then I want you to take a hot bath to knock off the last of the chill before it sets up in your bones and you get sick."

She leaves to make the stew and once she leaves, Zuko takes her place beside me. His expression is stern and his mouth is tight with unasked questions.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Cold." I want him to hold me but I think Gran Gran would get the wrong idea if I asked him to do that. She'd see it as affection instead of a means to get warmer. Who knows? Maybe it would be. I'm no longer sure why I want him the way that I do. "Better but cold."

He nods but I can tell he is still surveying me, seeing if I am truly coherent again and I am. When I woke up inside Gran Gran's, my delirium had faded. I was no longer at risk of chasing ghosts that may or may not have been in my head.

"Do you remember what you said?" he asks, his eyes focused on mine with an intensity that almost makes me squirm.

I shake my head because I don't. Not really.

"You said you found Aang." His expression is a weird cross between concern and discontentment.

"I did…kind of." I shake my head, knowing how crazy I sound. I don't know… Maybe I am.

"Kind of?"

"Yeah. In the water, near where Sokka and I found him. My boat got stuck and when I started trying to get unstuck, I saw him."

Zuko leans forward, running his hands through his hair. He clearly isn't happy with what I'm telling him.

"And you jumped in after him…" he finishes for me, his words smothered with disbelief and vexation.

"It's just… It's been so hard letting him go..." I look down into my cup of tea. "I didn't even get to say goodbye… And I think maybe I just needed to try to look for him…to see him one more time…"

"You weren't going to fish at all," he says matter-of-factly. It isn't a question.

He has seen through me and I realize that I really don't give Zuko enough credit. He knows me much better than I thought he did. He probably knows me more than I am comfortable with.

"No. I guess not." I sigh.

"Did you get it out of your system?" There is a slight edge to his tone. He almost sounds like a concerned father or a possessive brother. I scared him. I see that now.

I nod. "I think I was finally able to say goodbye."

_At least it feels that way…_

Zuko's eyes stay low. "I know how much that meant to you – saying goodbye. I'm glad you were able to get some form of closure." He scoffs. "I just wish you could've found a better way to do it."

"I wasn't  _trying_ to drown myself," I snap, squeezing the cup in my hands as I fight the tears. "I just… I miss him so much."

"I know," Zuko says softly. "And it's okay to miss him. You'll probably never stop missing him and that's okay too. You aren't broken, Katara. You're still grieving. There's a difference."

Those words feel like yet another blanket being wrapped around me. They comfort me. I needed to hear them even if he didn't mean them, even if he was just saying them because he knew I needed them.

Likely sensing my distress, Momo crawls into my lap and nestles my hand until it covers his head.

"And seeing the new Avatar doesn't mean you have to forget Aang," he continues. "You aren't betraying him. In fact, he'd probably be encouraging you to see it. It needs you."

I sniffle and chuckle dryly. "When did you get so good at comforting people?"

He reclines and folds his arms over his chest. "I don't know. I'm sure I caught it off you and the others somewhere along the way. That, or this village has already rubbed off on me."

I chuckle again before curling into a tight ball, suddenly very sleepy. I unfold Zuko's arm, take one of his hands and hold it in both of mine near my face as I close my eyes.

He squeezes my hand and I feel him brushing my hair off my face, stroking it lightly. His touch is tentative and unsure yet…affectionate. It's…nice.

"Thank you," I whisper without opening my eyes.

"For what?" he hums, his hand doesn't leave my face. It continues to glide along my cheek and into my hairline.

"For…everything, I guess."

He pauses a moment before finally murmuring, "You're welcome…"

* * *

We don't talk about my accident anymore but Zuko doesn't let me go fishing alone anymore. I assure him that there is nothing to worry about. That incident was some kind of weird closure for me. It needed to happen so that I could get some clarity, some acceptance. I've explained this to him but I'm not sure if he believes me.

Even though I only have a mild case of the sniffles, Gran Gran and Zuko have been intent on keeping me prisoner until I'm  _'better'_. Whatever that means… As a result, I haven't been able to go see Yanna or the baby even though I think I'm finally capable of doing so. I've expressed this to them several times but they insist it can wait. My well-being comes first.

I am still being held hostage in my own home but today, I am finally able to go outside and get some much needed sunshine. It's nice even though I am just a few feet from Gran Gran's igloo.

Zuko left early this morning to go on a hunting trip. So it is just Gran Gran and I. I've spent the morning helping her prepare blankets for the winter (which, because of the comet, Gran Gran thinks will be particularly harsh) and stitching a tear in a pair of Zuko's pants.

Sometimes I feel like Zuko's wife and as a mend a hole in his clothing, I realize I probably look like his wife too. Wives were always fixing their husbands clothes after they obtain a tear or rip while hunting. I don't necessarily mind though. I pretended to be his fiancée throughout the Earth Kingdom so I might as well take up the role of wife here.

" _Hello, Katara."_

I look up to see Hahn staring down at me with a half smile on his face, the steel blue of his eyes shining dully as the corners of his eyes crinkle at the edges.

"How are you? I heard you had an accident."

I frown.

Our tribe has definitely expanded in terms of population, but apparently, word still travels fast. That was one thing I didn't miss when we left home. I didn't miss how everyone knew everything about everyone.

"I'm fine. It was just…a bad day…" It is the only way I can think to explain it without going into too much unnecessary detail.

"I understand." He puts his hands in his pockets. "I've definitely had a few of those."

I want him to elaborate. I desperately want to know what happened after the siege up north. I want to know how he got here and what changed him but I don't probe because I know how much I hate being asked questions recently.

"Lunch is ready, Katara." Gran Gran peaks out from her igloo's entrance and sees Hahn towering over me. "You should invite your friend to stay."

Obviously, Gran Gran wants me to have a social life outside of Zuko…

"Oh, he's not my…" I stammer, looking back and forth awkwardly between Gran Gran and Hahn but she is already going back inside.

He chuckles a little. It's soft but deep. He was probably trying to suppress it.

Sighing, I relent. I fold Zuko's pants over my arm and stand.

"Would you like to stay for lunch?" I ask, trying not to sound too sarcastic.

His crooked smile is back. "Sure."

* * *

We have a surprisingly nice lunch together. Hahn even enlightens us on how he left the Northern Water Tribe to help fight the Fire Nation with some of the other men from their tribe until he became a prisoner of war. He then explained how he eventually escaped and came to help rebuild our tribe since he still felt unworthy of returning to the North Pole.

"I wanted to redeem myself, for failing during the siege," he explained coolly but his eyes were distant. "I just wasn't happy with who I was. Oddly enough, the whole situation with your brother made me realize that I needed to change. He was right about me. I hadn't deserved someone like Yue. I guess I was trying to find a better version of myself and ended up here. Home just wasn't home anymore, you know?"

It is obviously my turn to reply and share my story but I can't go there again. It was hard enough retelling it to Gran Gran and I've known her my whole life.

Before I can decide how and if I should reply, Zuko enters the igloo with blood on his hands. It was apparently a successful hunt. He is getting better at this and I can't fight the weird sense of pride I get from watching him succeed.

Hahn, however, isn't as pleased to see Zuko as I am. His pale eyes widen and his posture straightens at the sight of Zuko. This is probably the closest he has ever been to the Fire Prince.

Zuko stares at Hahn with no small amount of scrutiny. His gaze is molten but ice cold. It is a lofty, condescending stare, a stare only a man of royal blood could perform.

"How was your hunt?" I ask, trying to dissolve some of the awkwardness.

"Fine," he replies flatly. "I killed what almost qualifies as a yak."

"Good. You'll need that meat for the winter," Gran Gran replies, rushing to get some water for Zuko's bloody hands.

"Hahn, this is Prince Zuko." I look back at Zuko. "Zuko, this is Hahn. He's from the Northern Tribe. We met before the siege."

"It's nice to finally meet you." Hahn stands to properly address him. "I've heard a lot about you."

Zuko's gaze stays emotionless but there is a hint of a cocky grin on his lips. "I'm sure you have. Sorry I can't say the same."

If I were close enough to him, I would have kicked him in the shin for being rude.

Hahn chuckles nervously. "Well, I better go. Thanks again for a lovely meal, Kanna." He turns to face me. "I'll see you around, Katara."

Hahn nods to Zuko on his way out but as expected, Zuko does nothing but look down at him until he is completely out of the igloo.

I rush up to Zuko. "Would it kill you to be polite?"

Zuko smirks at me, his golden eyes gleaming with mischief. "It might."

I roll my eyes as he brushes past me and goes to the bowl of water Gran Gran has provided for him. He bends over and begins rubbing the blood off his hands. When the water is good and bloody, I bend it into his face.

Zuko howls, reeling backwards as the corrupt water sinks into his hair and clothes.

Realizing I'm the culprit, he glares at me. I should probably be afraid of the black look he is giving me but I can only put my hands on my hips and smirk with triumph.

His nostrils flare as he exhales harshly through his nose, bending the bloody water into a thick steam.

He is still glaring at me but I'm still smiling.

* * *

A few days after my… _incident,_ I decide that it is finally time for me to visit Yanna.

With yet another stage of my healing/grieving process behind me, I'm to the point that I almost  _want_ to see the baby. I miss Aang to the point that I long to see him – or even just a sliver of him – in anything.

After doing my daily chores, I steel myself with my newfound courage and go to see Yanna.

Like always, she is warm and inviting, which I am grateful for. It makes all of this easier.

She asks about Gran Gran and even Zuko although she's never met him. The fact that she asks about Zuko is encouraging. It leads me to believe that she'll be open to him visiting…eventually.

We engage in small talk a while and I help her make dinner.

Eventually, she catches me sneaking glances of the bundle of blankets that hide the baby. Apparently, I am not as subtle as I thought I was.

Yanna smiles knowingly. "Would you like to see her?"

I blush. "If you don't mind…?"

"Of course not!" Yanna gets up and leads me across the room, abandoning her bowl of sea prunes without a second thought.

Timidly, I follow her lead and peek into the makeshift basinet.

The baby is fast asleep, covered head to toe in furs with only her small face showing.

Her skin is traditional Water Tribe pale brown but Gran Gran was right. She is paler than most. Her lashes are long and black, tickling her plump, rosy cheeks. Short, little curls of dark brown sit atop her small head, contrasting beautifully with her skin.

The sight of her fills my heart with warmth. It does a little leap in my chest as my breathing catches in my throat.

"Her name is Yia."

"She's beautiful…" My voice breaks but there is a strange joy in my sadness.

"Thank you." Yanna beams. "Do you want to hold her?" she asks even though she is already pulling Yia out of her furs.

The baby stretches her little arms and squirms a little as Yanna moves her but doesn't cry or whine. She seems only mildly inconvenienced that her mother moved her.

"She's a heavy sleeper so don't worry about waking her." Yanna giggles as she looks down at the baby lovingly.

It's been a while since I've held a baby but that isn't the only reason I'm reluctant… Still, I can't help myself as she places her in my arms.

She's little, warm, and practically limp with sleep. Her eyes open briefly and I can see that they are a beautiful cyan color before she shuts them again.

I'm crying yet again. I don't even know why. Maybe I'm afraid. Maybe I'm hopeful. Maybe I'm both.

I also feel closer to Aang than I have since I learned of his death. I feel him here with me now and I know in the very pit of my heart that the child in my arms is the next Avatar.


	6. ZUKO

Katara has acquired a suitor. She calls him Hahn and he is one of the many people who have left the northern tribe to help restore their sister tribe down south.

Apparently, there is some connection to this kid. Katara knows him and he knows her. According to Katara, they met before the siege on the Northern Water Tribe. She says he and Sokka fought over their princess.

I remember Sokka talking about a girlfriend who became the moon spirit. I can only assume that this is the same girl. However, Sokka failed to mention that girl was a princess with a fiancée. I think Katara called her…Yue?

Past fiancées aside, I'm pretty sure Hahn now has his sights set on Katara. He hovers like a lion-vulture until I get too close, then he runs off like a spider-rat trying to steal scraps from a cupboard.

Whenever I see him trying to charm her, making jokes, and then looking guilty when I get close, I start seeing red.

As expected, when I get back from hunting, I see him slithering away. He probably smelled me coming. Spider-rats have a keen sense of smell.

I'm not jealous. Jealousy would imply deeper feelings. I'm just…protective. I do this for Sokka because I know he wouldn't approve. The guy's behavior is clearly inappropriate. Why else would he run off all guilty when I come around?

"Hahn likes you," I say as I drop my latest kill by Katara's sewing mat. I don't know what it is. I think someone in the hunting party called it a white hamster. I wanted a seal I saw waddling around but I failed. Oddly enough, failure and I have become pretty close so I'm not surprised to see him. He rears his ugly head so often I simply welcome him now and think:  _What kept you?_

Her brow knits as she stares at my offering. "What? No! He's just being friendly."

"Yeah? Then why does he run off every time I come around?" I counter as Momo leaps onto my shoulder, curling his tail around my neck. He smells my hair and digs in my collar, likely looking for treats but the joke is on him. I have none.

Katara smirks at me. "Maybe he doesn't like firebenders."

My eyes narrow at her. "Maybe but I don't think that's the only reason."

She scoffs. "You sound like Sokka."

"Good." I fold my arms.

Katara rolls her eyes. "He's harmless."

"There's a reason he acts the way he does," I insist.

She sighs, easily catching my implication. "I know things are a little different in the Fire Nation, but in the tribes, we are a little more conservative. We are taught to wait until marriage so I doubt he thinks he can get anywhere with me."

"Do you think Sokka waited?" I challenge with a smirk.

Her face goes bright red as she covers her ears. "Ugh! No! Gross!"

I say nothing else. I think I've made my point.

* * *

As the days turn to weeks, I continually tell myself that I need to go… _somewhere_ … I don't necessarily know where but I never do. I stay. I stay to be near Katara and the baby.

I tell myself that they need me. I tell myself this is the greatest favor I can do for the world right now. I tell myself all these things but sometimes I think it is mostly to distract me from what I should really be doing… Like finding another way to stop my father, like amassing an army.

But I can't. I simply can't do the things I know I will eventually have to do so I waste time here, pretending like I have nothing better to do than play Water Tribe.

I try to follow my own advice of taking things one day at a time but I am honestly horrible at taking my own advice. Saying what should be done is a lot easier than actually doing it. Theory is much easier than application.

I should probably write Uncle but I'm afraid my message will be intercepted. It is too risky. I can't risk Father knowing where either of us ar. Besides, I probably already know what Uncle would say…

' _You should find yourself again, Zuko. You must do that first. Everything else will follow.'_

Or something like that, and he would be right. No one would follow me as I am now and I am not capable of leading them like I should. I have lost myself or at the very least a piece of myself. Something in me burned out but it could probably be reignited with time. Maybe. If I'm lucky. I'm usually not though.

Katara, however, has been better since she went to see the baby. Some of her old glow is back. Perhaps because she feels that her precious Avatar has returned to her. Life has been breathed back into her. She is bossier and livelier than she's been in months, which is both a good and bad thing. I haven't missed her ordering me around or sassing me but I do enjoy seeing flashes of the old Katara.

She talks to me about the baby often and has expressed that in her opinion, that it is indeed the Avatar. We can't prove that for several years though. And people won't be exactly jumping to make claims that their child is the Avatar. No parent would want that target on their child's back.

I refuse to get my hopes up or leave behind my air of indifference. However, that doesn't keep Katara from trying to sway me.

"Please, Zuko!"

I ignore her and continue trying to skin this animal the way Katara and some of the other tribesman taught me but I'm mainly making a mess.

"I think it would make you feel better! I was afraid too. And  _you_  even told me that it's what Aang would want and that it isn't betraying him to—"

"No."

I can't believe that she would honestly think that this is about some loyalty to Aang. It isn't. The new Avatar has a different meaning to me. It symbolizes something else… It reminds me of my failures. It reminds me of the mess we are in. It reminds me that I could fail again. It reminds me that the odds are out of our favor even more than they were last time. And it reminds me of my own weakness.

"You don't even have to hold her. Just _look_  at her. Please!"

She's begging. She is actually begging.

I sigh and violently stab my knife into the animal carcass.

Katara flinches and Momo bristles, hissing as he flies away from me.

"Fine," I agree begrudgingly.

Katara smiles, and she is suddenly closing the gap between us and hugging me.

"Thank you," she breathes against my neck.

It is my turn to flinch. Lately, being this close to Katara is too much. I don't return her embrace. I don't touch her. I am too conflicted and confused by what I feel for her but at the same time I ache to hold her against me longer. It's like a rash. I know scratching it will make it worse but it still itches. A lot.

* * *

There is a horrible pit in my stomach. It's been there ever since Katara brought me into this igloo with the supposed Avatar and her mother.

Katara is taking to the mother, helping her with dinner. I'm still looking down into the wad of furs the baby is sleeping inside.

Like it's mother, I see nothing spectacular about it. It is a baby that appears to be water tribe, perhaps with a fairer complexion. She is round-faced and innocent…and most of all, vulnerable.

Unlike Katara, I  _don't_ have an epiphany that tells me that this child is the Avatar. Sure, she is cute, squishy, and sweet like most babies but aside from that, I see nothing special. It's just a baby – a small, helpless baby.

We stay a while and eat with them. Katara plays with the baby, clearly taken with it already. It babbles to her, trying to make words and Katara coos back. It kind of smiles and tugs at her hair loopies. Even Momo has fun with her until she pulls his tail. I, however, sit nearby and watch from afar. I don't touch it. I don't talk to it. I don't hold it.

Partly because I honestly can't get a good read on the baby's mother. She has been kind and open towards me. She didn't seem afraid or intimidated, which was a pleasant surprise, but I'm still not entirely sure how she feels about my presence. And party because…I just don't want to.

When we finally leave, it's dark outside. All the pinks, greens, and yellows have completely left the sky. The wind has picked up and it is steadily snowing. The cold seems to penetrate me to my bones and I am reminded that this is not my natural habitat despite how easy it has been for me to find a strange place in this community. Maybe I should have been born a waterbender. Azula should have suggested a Water Tribe family adopt me instead of an Earth Kingdom one…

"What do you think?" Katara asks over the howling wind as she struggles to keep up with my pace.

"I think it's a defenseless baby who – if she is the Avatar – has the world against it already."

"Don't say that." She stops dead in her tracks to give me a stern, disapproving look.

I consider her a moment before throwing my hood up and turning my back on her.

"That's what it is. That's the reality of it."

* * *

The next day, I feel guilty about how I acted. I shouldn't have been so coarse to Katara when she is trying to nurture her fledgling hope. I shouldn't have stomped it out as soon as it flickered back to life. I want to apologize but Katara isn't at her home with her grandmother, so I assume she is with the baby.

I could go see it again but I don't want to get attached. It doesn't know what it is up against. I pity it but I won't make the same mistake I made with Aang. The Avatar isn't invincible. We put too much weight on Aang's shoulders, made him take on too much. I underestimated my father and overestimated Aang. Regardless of who the new Avatar is I won't make the same mistake twice.

When I finally find Katara, she is leaving the potential Avatar's igloo and Hahn is already with her. It looks like he has given her some kind of gift. I think this is how typical water tribe courtship works. This guy moves fast.

_Insensitive jerk…_

Suddenly, I'm angry. I'm overcome with the urge to rush up and hurl him into the nearest snow bank. Then, I realize this feels a lot like that party we went to on Ember Island. I want to hurt Hahn just like I'd wanted to hurt Ruon-Jian for talking to Mai.

I back away as if getting farther away will help. It doesn't. My insides are still coiling with contradicting emotions. I'm so jumbled up I don't even know what I feel (or maybe I do know and I just don't  _want_  to feel it) so ultimately, it all turns into one emotion: anger.

I shouldn't be mad or upset. This guy is probably what she needs. Katara needs a good, wholesome tribesman. Then I think that she would probably never  _want_ one. He would be too normal after all she's been through. Katara would want excitement and adventure. Then again, losing Aang may have knocked that out of her. Maybe she _does_  want normalcy now. Regardless of what she wants, that is probably what she  _needs_.

Admittedly, I'm not crazy about the thought of that. It's not like I can have her. Not really. But I realize that a part of me must want her since I feel this way.

As usual, I can't handle these thoughts or these feelings but I can no longer ignore them. A part of me has acknowledged them and there is no way to reverse it.

Sour and sullen, I resolve to go beyond the village and into the tundra to watch the sun set and meditate. Or at the very least try to.

* * *

I come to Katara's grandmother's tent once it's dark. I've learned that water boy doesn't stick around after the sun goes down but I still linger near the entrance of the tent and listen to make sure. I'd rather not interact with him since I'm fairly certain I wouldn't be able to say anything nice to him. That would make Katara mad and that would defeat the whole purpose of coming here to apologize.

" _Zuko_ _was right about Hahn. He really is trying to…_ court  _me._ _"_

Katara sounds disgusted and uncomfortable and I find strange pleasure in that.

" _He's_ _a nice boy. Handsome too._ _"_

" _I'm_ _flattered…but I_ _'m_ _not really interested._ _"_

That isn't surprising at all. Katara's heart is too sore. I know that and it bothers me that he doesn't. He is an insensitive, selfish jerk.

Granted, he doesn't know what she went through or how much Aang meant to her. He has no way of knowing but he should still be more considerate. He probably doesn't even really like her. He barely knows her and he could never really understand her. He's too…simple.

A little voice in the back of my head tells me that I should leave it alone. It says that this is none of my business but I ignore it just like I ignored my conscience for a pretty good chunk of my life.

I decide to forget the apology all together and go back to my temporary dwelling. I just can't face her right now, not even to apologize.

* * *

Apparently, I've become an airbender. All I do lately is avoid and evade, typical airbender strategy. And I am now fully employing this strategy with Katara.

I don't like Hahn. I don't like seeing her with him. I don't really understand my emotions. I am confused and when I get confused, I get angry and I don't want to take that anger out on Katara. So I avoid her like I avoid everything else in my life.

But despite my best efforts to avoid her, she seeks me out and has talked me into going on a fishing trip with her. I'm reluctant since things are still a little tense and awkward between us (I still haven't apologized like I'd wanted to) but I go anyway.

It's just as awkward as I thought it would be. We don't talk much. We fight over fishing spots and when we aren't fighting about bait or where to put our nets, we sit in strained silence with Momo going back and forth between the two of us.

We catch a few fish and I honestly can't get back to dry land quick enough. However, once I get out of the canoe, I don't get far. My feet have barely connected with the snow when Katara bends water at me so fast I don't have time to react. Momo does but just barely.

I'm on the ground, coughing, soaked through and through. I think there might even be a fish in my hood now.

"What's your problem?!" she shrieks.

I'm in a particularly foul mood already so she is very lucky that my temper isn't what it used to be. However, I feel I am seconds away from exploding.

I set my jaw and grin but only to keep from doing something I'll regret.

"I have lots of problems." I murmur through clenched teeth.

"I'm serious! Don't be such a smartass!"

I can't muster a response right away. I'm kind of numb and not just because I've been doused by a wave of icy water. I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard Katara use any kind of profanity. Further, I legitimately don't know how to answer.

"You've been weird ever since you went to see the baby with me and I'm sick of it!" she adds when I continue to sit on the ground gawking at her. "All you do is sulk and brood! You don't even talk to _me_ anymore! Suck it up and quit acting like a big baby! Or at least talk to me and let me know what's bothering you! How can you stand to hold it all in? No wonder all firebenders are crazy!"

Her words make me bristle and the water that she covered me in is slowly turning to steam.

"Is this because of Hahn? I know you don't like him but that doesn't mean you can—"

"He's a nuisance," I say matter-of-factly. I'm suddenly defensive and I don't know if it's because I'm already angry or if it's because of the subject matter.

"No, he's not," she counters and folds her arms over her chest.

"That's your opinion." I'm done. I'm not doing this. I get up, steam rolling off my back as I walk away but she is following me.

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"I just… _do_. Okay?!" I walk faster, trying to lose her. I'm _not_  doing this.

"No. Not okay! Why?" Katara grabs my arm and tries to pull me back.

"Because he can't take a hint!" I spin around to glare down at her.

"What hint? That I don't like him? Maybe I do." She cocks her head at me. "You don't know that."

"You don't." My eyes narrow into slits.

"I might." She puts her hands on her hips.

"But you don't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I heard you and your grandmother talking about him the other night!"

"Why were you eavesdropping?! And why do you care?!" Her voice manages to take on an even higher pitch.

"I don't!" I throw my arms up.

Katara suddenly looks wounded, like my words have hurt her.

"This is ridiculous." I laugh like a madman, but when I say laugh, I guess I really mean mock. That or I'm going crazy. Maybe Azula's breakdown is genetic.

I turn my back on her, trying yet again to leave. I can't handle…whatever's happening. It needs to stop. Whatever  _this_ is between us, I've humored it for too long. We are officially in dangerous territory.

"Don't do this to me, Zuko!" she cries. "Don't shut me out!"

My rage is milliseconds from its boiling point. I turn around, ready to blast fire at her and see how she likes being dosed with her opposing element when I see the hurt in her eyes. It's there beneath her contempt and her anger and it disarms me.

"I need you to talk to me, Zuko…" Her eyes are gentle, beseeching. "You're the only one who understands… You're the only one I can really talk to about things right now."

My arms fall to my sides. "Katara…"

She shoves me. "You're such a jerk!"

I shrug. "Fine. I'm a jerk."

She shoves me again.

I dig my feet into the snow, rooting myself there so she can't move me anymore.

Katara moves to bend at me again but this time, I see it coming and firebend the blast into steam before it reaches me.

She counters immediately and before I know what's happening, we are having a rather heated sparing match. Immediately I acknowledge that there is way too much snow. I'm at a distinct disadvantage but that doesn't keep me from trying. I give it my all, which mostly consists of me turning snow and ice into steam.

I leap into the air, trying to distance myself from all the snow on the ground so I can maybe get a shot in. Before gravity pulls me back down, I kick two whips of fire towards her.

It has been a while since we sparred like this. She's been going easy on me because I was still recovering from being shot full of lightning but now she isn't holding back and neither am I.

Katara bats my fire whips away with arms cloaked in watery tentacles.

_Fine. If that's how she wants it…_

I call forth two fiery arms of my own and they continually clash with hers. Neither of us is gaining any ground but that's usually how it is when we spar.

Eventually, she gets angry enough that she encases me in a wall of snow, lifts me off the ground and slams me back down to the ground with said snow.

I lie there, panting and cold beneath the blanket of snow she covered me in. Eventually I hear her footsteps. She probably thinks she's knocked me unconscious like she did at the Northern Water Tribe with that same exact move.

She's wrong.

When she is close enough, I snatch her ankle and yank her onto her back. I crawl on top of her and hold a fire dagger to her throat.

Her eyes widen with shock and I think I might be able to get her to yield but her shock melts away and she is suddenly smirking.

I realize I am in trouble as soon as another torrent of snow knocks me onto my back. This time, she shackles me to the ground by covering my arms and legs with thick layers of ice.

Now she is looking down at me with a very smug look on her face.

I close my eyes and exhale deeply through my nose, slowly turning the ice to steam.

Katara holds up her hands, likely preparing to freeze my entire body this time but I hold up my hand.

"Truce?" I breathe.

She blinks a few times and lowers her arms. "Fine. Truce."

We are both sweaty and out of breath. We are exhausted and I think it's over.

She sits next to me in the snow and she is giving me that beseeching look again. I don't like it.

"But you're still a jerk," she adds with a huff and a not-too-gentle punch to my shoulder.

"I've been called worse."

"I'm serious, Zuko. I want you to talk to me." She places a hand over her heart. "I know you have a lot weighing on you. It's not healthy to hold it all in…and I want to help you."

She's right but I don't even know where to start.

"We've been through a lot together. In some ways, all we have is each other."

I look away but she grabs my face in both of her hands and forces my gaze back to her.

"Please, Zuko…"

I blink, somewhat stunned by our proximity. I don't think she realizes how close she is to me and how my personal space is being violated.

I yank my face from her grasp. "I'm not talking because I don't know what to say anymore."

Katara frowns, her hands still suspended in the air as if waiting for my face to return to them. "Are you thinking about going away?"

"I don't know where I would go if I did," I admit. "So I guess I'll try to wait around until more members of the White Lotus get here. Once I'm sure you'll have someone to go with you when you leave to meet up with Sokka."

She looks disappointed. "I thought we'd go together."

"If a raid comes, we may not have a choice." I sigh and square up with her. "I can't make any promises, Katara, but I'll try to stay with you until we see Sokka."

She nods, somewhat pacified. "Well, while you're here, will you at least _attempt_  to be nicer to the baby and Hahn?"

"No promises," I grumble.

"I guess that's good enough." Katara brushes the snow off her clothes and gets to her feet. "Come on. Lets go warm you up before you catch pneumonia."

I follow Katara back to my igloo where she draws me a typical water tribe bath in a tiny tub. I don't object since it's been a while since I had a bath. It isn't exactly easy to have one since there isn't any plumbing here like there is in the Fire Nation.

Leaving my bottoms on, I sink into the tub and heat the water to my liking since it is already lukewarm by the time I get in. Steam levitates off the water as I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the tub.

Katara lingers. She stays with me, which suggests that she wants or expects something from me.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper, wringing a cloth between my hands.

She looks at me expectantly.

"For what I said about the potential Avatar…and for shutting you out. I didn't mean to," I add.

"I forgive you. Just don't do it again."

And just like that, things aren't as strained or awkward anymore. Katara starts filling me in on everything I missed while I was avoiding her. She tells me that the baby is trying to hold her head up and sit up on her own. She tells me that she is scared for her, that she is afraid she won't be able to protect her. She even talks to me about Hahn and admits that I was right about him being interested in her. She says that it makes her uncomfortable and I can't fight the crooked grin that blossoms across my face.

We talk until I stand and get out of the tub.

As soon as my back straightens, Katara throws a towel over my head and I start rubbing at my scalp and the back of my neck with it.

When I open my eyes again, she is looking at me weird. Her head is kind of tilted to the side and her eyes are sort of unfocused. They roam my torso and I can't help but tense.

She gazes up at me and brushes some of my damp hair away from my face. Her hand goes from my hair to my neck and then to my chest over my scar.

I swallow hard. Katara has touched me before. This is nothing new but this time she is actually  _touching_ me. It is like she is analyzing me, studying the very layout of me and I desperately want to know what is going through her head.

The tension is unbearable. Can't she feel it? I feel like I'm going to implode unless I do… _something._

Her touch is tentative but curious, focusing mainly on the scar that explodes from the center of my chest. Some spell has been cast over her and I almost want to say something but another part of me wants to let this play out. I want to know what might happen.

I don't know if I've ever seen her look at me this way…but she's beautiful. I can admit that. She's stunning even in the poor lighting of this igloo. Her hair is down and wild with waves that frame her round face and bring out the sparkling blue of her eyes.

Unthinking, I touch her back. I run my fingers through the length of her hair, pushing it back away from her neck, trying to find skin beneath all the fur she wears.

Katara gravitates towards my touch; something she's done since I saved her life and I think it may be my undoing.

My eyes find hers and I shift closer so that I'm towering over her. She looks both terrified and enthralled by what I might do.

I take her neck in my hands, my thumbs gliding over the pulse points that sleep beneath her dark skin.

I crane my neck and lean in. To my shock, she doesn't pull away. It's almost like she is asking for it, like she  _wants_  me to…

I'm testing the boundary. A part of me wants to kiss her just to see what she'll do, to know what it would feel like.

My pulse quickens at the thought of it and I realize I want her, as selfish and impossible and ridiculous as that is.

I inch closer, we are a breath apart and my lips almost graze hers.

My mind is screaming at me, saying that this is a  _horrible_  idea. We are  _way_  too vulnerable and raw for this but I realize that is also what draws us in. That's why we want it. The pain and brokenness has pulled us together. Not to mention the fact that I am a horrible, disgusting hypocrite. I was literally just angry with Hahn for less than I'm doing right now!

"Tell me to stop…" I beg. It comes out with a shuddering breath. It is my last feeble attempt at stopping this, at being a halfway decent person.

She shivers closer to me and opens her mouth to reply but nothing comes out.

Unable to stand the tension another moment, I gently press my lips to hers. Again, I'm testing the boundaries, testing the waters. It is a painfully slow, meticulous kiss, seeing how long she'll let it last.

She is immobile at first but then she comes to life, her lips catching mine again and trying to deepen what I started. Her fingers curl against my chest and I think she will push me away…but she never does.

My hands move along her neck as I literally and figuratively dive into her.

She whimpers, a faint moan against my mouth and it's almost enough to make me lose my senses completely. I want to do anything and everything to get that sound out of her again.

She feels… _good_. I can't remember the last time something felt this good.

It doesn't last long. As if sensing my growing intensity, she pulls away and hides her face from me.

_What the fuck did I just do?_

"I'm sorry…" I lower my hands and stare at the wall behind her.

"Don't be." I think she realizes (as I have) that this was inevitable, stupid and careless but still inevitable.

When I finally get the courage to look down at her again, she is blushing fiercely and lightly touching her lips with her fingertips. It's endearing and I burn to touch her again but I refrain. This is toxic. We are clearly codependent. This happened for the wrong reasons but maybe now that it's out of our system we can hopefully move on.

Katara goes to the other side of my igloo and starts making dinner for me as if this never happened and I'm relieved. It's better this way. This needs to be forgotten.


End file.
